Changing Directions

[RegretfulLA]

If so, then if you continue on DB path, and add the detaching, as I believe you are ready to do, it will give you a lot of clarity in your situation.

Yes, I am ready to detach. I am pretty fed up with my sitch. I am trying to handle it gracefully. The book I am reading reminds me to "act spiritually" so I am trying to do that - which means not getting angry, not reacting, not nagging, not pursuing. Just letting the other person be. I love the metaphor of "dropping the rope." It makes sense to me.

I do know that I don't want to spend much more time in MC, especially not with that therapist. A friend gave me another name (someone with "balls", she said), and I'm willing to try, but I'm tiring of this charade. Or maybe I need a break from it. A lot of the discontent comes from not having my own space in this house. The room that I have to sleep in is also the TV room and where the kids play their video games, and also will be an office at some point but we have no shelves so there's just crap everywhere. That in particular feels very disrespectful, and I'm starting to hope that he does move out, though I feel like he's not going to.

Also, this is no way to model "H & W" for my children.

So, in summary, I think I'm definitely starting to lean more towards a separation. Logistically it might be more difficult but I don't see a clear way out of this without separating. H is not willing to try.

There's a Death Cab for Cutie song called "Kath" - and in this song he sings,

You said your vows
And you closed the door
On so many men
Who would have loved you more

Every time I hear it, I want to die... it hits me square on...