Yes, but it wouldn't be her choice. She would just get an email with all the pain in it. She didn't ask for it, it just showed up in her inbox...then again, it could give her immeasurable relief...I have no idea. Nothing to act on now anyway...
Attempting to rescue her? Yes, perhaps to a degree. But, I'm not sure that matters. My motive has no affect on how she receives it. I don't know what to base these decisions on. They involve other people's feelings, other people's lives. We have great power over others lives. We give others great power over our lives.
Hey! To answer your question, what I'm learning by reading your posts is what might be going through my H's head now that he wants a D. I would play the role of XW1 (I do hope this is not the case!)But anyway, I see how he thinks that after being M for 11 years, he just doesn't feel that exhilarated feeling, and is ready to seek someone new. However, he does not intend to take time to think what went wrong, but can't wait to jump into a new R, which will prob not work out. I know everyone is different, but reading your posts helps me understand his view point a little more.
That said, I can see you're analyzing and learning, so you have a high prob of being successful if you continue on this path...And that's good news!
Another tough day. It's a;ways been tough but the last couple days especially so. I think it's because of the holidays. I am wrestling with myself not to contact her, not to email, not to text. So far the part of my that knows I shouldn't is winning, but it is a battle...I don't know if having hope, even without expectation, is futile. I don't know if I'm lying to myself that this could ever happen. I know if I asked her now she would say no, it couldn't. It's not what she has said in the past, it may not what she says in the future, but I think it's what she would say now.
I wish I knew of, or read more life stories, where it did happen with our divorced couples. It would give me hope and make me stronger to keep moving. Almost all the stories I read where it happens are with couples that have kids. The kids keep them seeing each other. Without kids, there is no reason to see each other.
Actually, I don't know what she would say now. But I probably could make a pretty good assumption based on the zero contact we've had. Based on the fact that she is seeing someone...
Then don't bother her to soothe your own conscience. The could very well be karma biting you back.
My words, as I hope is clear, is me sharing my thoughts of what I am drawn to do yet will not. At times I use this board as a journal and I would hope that life experience would help us discern when we are asking for guidance and when we are simply musing. Food for thought, MrBond...
If it is a simple muse, then mention it is so. Sounded like it was eating you up to do something.
MrBond, to muse, is to be absorbed in thought, which I was. And, at times, it does "eat me up to do something". However, having feelings of a need, yet knowing it should not be followed up on are not one in the same.
Anyway, I will continue to journal...I'll be heading to Cali in a week for Xmas to be with family and friends. Not sure what to be doing now, waiting for DB and DR to get delivered. Other than this board I feel I have zero guidance at times. I see a LPC but I don't really get much from it. Hope DB and DR can help.
"However, having feelings of a need, yet knowing it should not be followed up on are not one in the same."
Moot point. There are times when musings should be acted upon and sometimes it takes an outside listener to suggest it.
Look. You screwed your first W and didn't know what she was going through. You just cared about yourself. Now the roles are reversed. Sometimes the LBS needs closure and sometimes they don't. It's like dealing with an alcoholic.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
