Relationship with W at the moment is good(I say relationship, I should say Friendship). We are civil to each other, no animosity, no arguing.
This is a good sign. It means she is comfortable with you. The longer this goes on, the less chance she will actually leave. She'll need plenty of time to work out her issues and change her perception of the M. Mine gave me timelines of when she was going to make her move, and some of these timelines have already past... and she's still here, thanks to NO PRESSURE.
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I have so much I want to say to her, so many questions to ask. Knowing I mustn’t talk about R is hard work. Not telling her I love her is even harder. I have to pretend that everything is fine.
Keep this up. I found it easy to avoid R talks because the few times I brought them up she bombed me all over again!
Just remember, by not pressuring her to stay or give you reassurances, you actually increase the chance that she will stay. Better that you guys talk and interact little, if it keeps her in your home.
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FY, I am terrified about reclaiming the Marital Bed,
This is understandable, but you need to work on ending the eggshell walking thing. Start small. Are you afraid you might not fold the dish towel right or something silly like this? I was the first few weeks after BD. Then I figured, this is crazy, and just started acting more confident, and doing what I felt was right. A lot of how people treat us is based on how we teach them to treat us. If you feel like she is in charge of you, get yourself some assertiveness training.
The more you stand up for yourself the more respect she will give you. She really doesn't want a man who bows and submits to her.
I don't know your W and your past relationship as well as you. Use your knowledge of her to aim for slowly taking more control of day to day household activities. Don't follow... lead. This is your goal.
When you feel the time is right, you could say something like, "sometime soon, I'm going to be back in our bed" and leave it at that. Go on your way and gauge her reaction. I highly doubt this will send her out the door, but it may get her thinking... in a good way.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
