you know, i've wondered myself about this. particularly because h is such a quirky kinda guy. i find it hard to believe the rules (necessarily) apply. one can only wonder. your h sounds a whole lotlike him. not the depression-b ut alot other things.
i don't know what the heck he thinks - since he never says anything. if i had to guess- my h would like nothing better than for me to have a lover and lots of social activity so he could go about his way in perfect self-righteousness. i've never made any bones about the fact that i am not & am not looking and it's pretty much the last thing on my "to do"list rite now. he may as well get used to the fact that he is the treasonous one- defector- you dirty rat...
i never pledged to be a nun if i walk out of this life- but i'm not giving him one bit of justification. and i hate the thought of just handing him over - handing my life over - to that cow - HE CAN man up and be the bad guy if that's what's his ultimate goal. he can just squrim under his own guilt- his choice. (yeah - tough aren't I - when i'm not blubbing - i'm being all butch. cripes- i'm such a pitiful mess- thank goodness no body can even seee me - woo hoo.
the party was okay- i wasn't totally dying to go. i was invited and thought, don't be a slug- go. do something rathr than sit around house and stew. so i went.
i like people & don't have much trouble mingling. - it was couples tho, and that made me feel kinda bad- just seeing all these guys all very very dug in with each other- all married for like 20-30 years- they were cute- but of course it made me jealous. oh well- what can you do but feel it - rite??
i'd probably croak if i a=didn't walk at nite with this gal across the way. it's been a life-saver really- like this forum.
not just for me to whine my head off ( i try not to) just to go chat about every other thing in the world and not be so immersed in my own stupid life.
my h doesn't even know about the party- he hasn't called since fri and is probably with ow. i hate him btw- did i say that yet today???
i guess i don't have much to say- it was such a dreary rainy day and they kept having news on about the kids that were shot and of course i blubbereed alot today- for them, for me- for everyone. I've always liked christmas alot- it just makes me blue lately- oh well. miss those who are gone kind of blue- and my sitch doesn't help that a bit.
oh well -i'll survive it i'm sure- as usual- and hope 2013 is a much better year.
i'm gong to go have a treat (2 sleeping pills - they're very mild) and enjoy a good nite sleep for a change.
hope your evening is okay- about being afraid of a social life (i think your feelings are entirely normal) - i don't look forward to even thinkng of dating. i don't remember the fun with anyone othr than h and cannot imagine ever feeling this way bout someone else.
i've thought of it giving him reason to chuck it all-
BUT - my buddy ray- who apparently knows?? - says don't worry- love will find you.
it's a nice thought- i'm going with it. it' makes me feel nice- to think it.
i'm outt ahere- wet from walking- chillie and tired. good nite
