H calls (!) we continue convo, iron out misunderstanding and talk.
Short version:
He says he wants to be friends, I am like his best friend and we need trust between the two of us. That trust goes both ways. This as a result of me saying that he is not my person to go to anymore because we are separated, he is seeing someone else and I can't have him there emotionally. I said I realize that it has been years for him but for the kids and I it has only been 9 weeks.
Then he said, well then I can't tell you things blah blah, so I said let's make sure we communicate well and see where it goes.
He didn't lie about dinner, he stayed out here and blew off gf to help sister and his friend. Said he actually came by to see me.
I said as far as introducing new gf to kids (he asked if D knows) I said let's consult a psychologist. I said anything I've read says 6 months to a year, but let's see what the professionals say...instead of saying "Ya, dude, this ain't gonna last"....I don't want kids intro'd to a string of gf's
Also said he was not happy when I said I was going out and would be back at ten. He wanted more info. because if I had a date that would have made him very happy. He said going out with my friends makes him happy, I said it makes me happy too! He was all "What does that mean" I said "just that", makes me happy!!
So, I don't know how to proceed here. Told him I am going low tech for a while because I spend too much time on the computer etc. So if he realy needs something to call.
That also gives me an excuse not to answer right away. When I didn't today, he emailed three times, one asking if I was mad, texted and called the home phone and my cell. I don't want to game play,so I am uncomfortable not returning emails, but will not initiate.
Can someone chime in about how to proceed from this point? He wants to be friends, but doesn't want me as his wife. Living apart I need to have contact. How do I balance DB'ing with this? I think if he starts opening up, fine but he will have to initiate? I could reply but not volunteer info about my life, although I live in small town.
Also, it's been like 65 days, how could he think I have a date?? Sheesh
It's a 180 to open up, and he has said I never really open up. In emails last week I said if you want to know something just ask, so he did (about tests and him "not knowing" big miscommunication there-settled though)
How do I balance my 180s? I am happy to be on my path right now. It was a bumpy couple of weeks but the flu has calmed me down lol?
Any advice? Vets?
These are my promises: NC unless contacted first No volunteering info about how wonderful I am doing etc. Volunteer about kids etc. No one upping...I noticed I was doing that this weekend to an extent. He would say "I blah blah blah" Then I would say "Well I blah blah blah blahed"....that behaviour has to go.
Again he said about his family xmas dinner and that I only told him this week. I said I had to do a lot of thinking about it and when I said I would go, it was to make everyone else happy. But I wasn't thinking about me. I won't be comfortable and my level of discomfort would certainly affect everyone else, so I decided to decline. He said that I was going out but wouldn't say where etc. (He asked and I said with friends to dinner) and I replied that I didn't know where he was every evening, we are separated, and I didn't want to know or want to ask because it's fine.
What is going on that he wants to know all my plans, but I don't ask about his and that's fine?
Anyway, gonna catch up on a few sitches and shut down tech for the night until tomorrow morning.
