I've been feeling pretty bad today. It's tough going through the day at work and putting on a fake smile, having boring conversations about things I care nothing about. It's not always like this but today it is. Yes, I know, on days like this one needs to stay busy, or talk with friends, or family, or, or, or...whatever, I just want to shed a tear...I read stories on the boards and some people work things out, some people find their way back to each other, and that beautiful. I want to be one of those people. I am not depressed, I am sad. I am not angry, I am hurt. I want to call X1 and apologize for what I did to her. I want her to know I understand how she felt. I am not going to do it because I know that would be for my relief, not hers. I don't believe in a G*d, but I believe in energy, and this is karma. This is the world teaching me. This is me learning. This will leave an imprint on me for the rest of my life, even if we were to get back together. Not a negative imprint, not a bad one, but one that I will draw from and use as a measure, a life measure.
I am usually pretty up beat about all this. I cry sometimes but that's ok, boys can cry too. But today it tough, I don't know why. Sometimes I read posts about people that have reconnected and remarried and it's great and makes me happy but sometimes it makes me picture her in my minds eye and, well, you get the picture...
