LBS gearing up for the long haul

[25yearsmlc]

Some confessions, questions, and I need a 2x4 or three...

Last week, on tues and Wed, I decided to "test the waters" since we had some baby steps.


When you have baby steps it means you are doing something right, or at least not a lot wrong. You DO NOT CHANGE course then.

I initiated contact. (I believe for first time that wasn't planned ahead) tues convo documented above. Wed, temp had dropped quickly, texted "Cold outside W". Used her full first name instead of shortened. That's a thing we do between each other when being playful. No text back. Didn't sweat it, though maybe it contributed to my bad Thursday. Didn't hear from her until she asked what time to come to dinner on Saturday morning.

What's to say to that text? it's obvious pursuit in the guise of meaningless obseravation...

Saturday evening I said I always worry if I text and no answer, that I understand if she can't talk right then but some sort of acknowledgement, even if later, would be appreciated. She said ok to that.

SIGH... What you said was = "I WANT YOU TO ANSWER ME!"...as if you have the "right" to that. You think b/c she said "ok" to that, it's a victory or that you were "right"? Nope...

Saturday evening she said she might get gifts wrapped and bring them over today, perhaps hang out for a while. Her words. Had plans to shop with girlfriend in morning. (she hates shopping so much that DDAY came in part because she told me in sept she was shopping at mall with girlfriend and i didnt believe her. Pressed her on it and she confessed..tis the season, though, so i let it go)

You're backsliding. Do NOT PRESS her on anything. What are you trying to do, push her away?

Said she would tell me if she got done and was coming, either way.

At 4:20 I got a little miffed

your self inflicted control issue AGAIN...OMG....stop this! Get a grip~you are backsliding dangerously.


that she hadn't told me anything yet. Called her.

wait, she didn't OBEY you and answer your text right then? So of COURSE you HAD to call her....how DARE she not call right back....Hey, what are you doing? You're acting like a nutty bully.


No answer. Her voicemail is not set up. Called immediately again, no answer, then 3 more times over 45 minutes. Texted "Would you please tell me whether you are OK?"

Well at least you were consistently PERSISTENTLY obnoxious and weird and controlling...great progress!

A half hour later she texted, "I'm fine. Sorry. My phone was off and I didn't know it."

[b]what I did not say was "You have an iPhone. I have an iPhone. I have never unintentionally turned mine off. Don't think it's really possible you didn't know it was off."[/b]

You'd be even more idiotic to have said that too. You said plenty to show you are not in charge of your bullying tactics and that many of your so called changes only "work" when things go well. That is NOT the test of whether change is real.

The test for whether change is real is how you react when things do NOT go your way. So far, you don't pass...

Called her. Told her was worried.

which we ALL know was a lie. You were NOT "worried" so don't pretend to be.

You were angry as evidenced by your petulant "almost" said words about the Iphone. Gee, what if she was busy and didn't feel like talking to you? is that "allowed" with the new you?


Told her I felt like we left it that she would be contacting me. Said she hadn't got to it yet. Was short with me, wanted to end call. I said "what are you busy?" she said yes.........don't know why I asked that because it really didn't help to know, it pissed me off, and my stupid mind wondered what she was busy doing that she turned off phone. Stupid a$$.

yep
next time she's short with you BACK OFF...do you actually have no idea why? That CANNOT be the case here, b/c she had good reason for being upset with you. You're a control freak.

FWIW, I HATE it when my kids or h text me non stop, as if there's NOTHING I could be doing that is as important as what they want THEN...and all you wanted to ask was her ETA so who cares that she hadn't answered? She'd tell you when she was on her way...sheesh...

SELF INFLICTED INJURY TO YOU


I don't remember what I said to make her say "I just need time and I feel a lot of pressure" I know for sure I didn't ask her to come home or what she was so busy doing.

are you kidding? You "don't know what you said or did to make her say" that?
Really??
Read this post!!!! It could not be clearer. You said everything BUT to come home...and your constant calls ARE the SAME as asking/interrupting whatever she is doing. It's obnoxious my friend.


I said "I know, know, know you need time, and I'm trying not to pressure. I'm sorry. My mind just reels sometimes, can you understand?" she said yes.


Get a hold of your MIND and reel it IN...and YOU ARE trying to pressure her. Stop it and stop lying about it.

I said I was hoping for the hangout...


She said she felt bad, and I know she does...sore throat last night, a little coughing on phone...and she opens surgery center on Monday so early to bed, to rise.

My question is was it too soon to initiate a contact?

YES...she did not answer your text, she gave you NO indication she wanted to see OR speak to you then. In fact clearly she wanted NONE of that but you asked her and then you said what YOU WANTED (to hang out) and then she said she was sick...man you need to pick up on obvious signals faster and STOP the pursuit.

next time you want to initiate, send a text that requires a response of sorts BUT not with that expectation...like "The snow is piling up here. Do you have snow tires?" If you get no answer, then do NOT pursue or feign "worry"...it's not "worry" unless you mean "worry About OM" but to me it's pure controlling pursuit. Leave her be now.



My thought is, if I can do it without pursuing, and without getting bent out of shape, then trying to initiate every few days might be ok?

I don't believe that^^ is possible with you, any time soon.

You think saying your "Mind reels" is some sort of justification and it's not. It means you are not in control of your thoughts. Big backslide. LEARN FROM IT.

I wish I could just be numb until this gets better. I had calmed down but rereading this got me going again.

I feel like I've had a relapse. Swing away.

I think I have been swinging enough for now