Yes that was the first thing I had to realize about boundaries, they are for myself. Not to make other people act a certain way, but to distance myself from what I do not accept.
I'm a handy guy, and I like fixing stuff/finding solutions. That is partly, why I help out a lot. But in the time before BD(especially) it was also b/c of fear. I was not around as much as I should and feared what would be the outcome if I didn't at least do x or x.
My mother always needed help with stuff. She has been loving, but quite manipulative throughout my life. Guilt tripping A LOT. I have no doubt of her love for me, I just don't think she knows another way to act on certain points. She would always use statements that inclined some underlying threath something bad would happen b/c of my actions or lack of. I'm going to try out counseling to better understand these issues and how they might affect me today.
On a side note I clarified with X our agreements for christmas, so now there is no doubt as to what they are. I also said I was unclear about what she had said about christmas breakfast. The answer? "Nothing that concerns -you-" I just said in a good mood, "well, then everything is settled, see ya" I guess the rollercoaster continues, but at least I'm detach just enough to not let it affect me too badly
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
