Someone pushed the repeat button on my MLCer!

[job]

hrm,
I'm very sorry to hear that you had an upsetting weekend, especially w/the holidays right around the corner. However, the first item on your agenda may be to have a talk w/your friend and advise her no more conversations w/your h about your situation. Even though she meant well, she should never have done what she did, i.e., it was none of her business. She doesn't understand all of the ins and outs of mlc and how it turns around and bites you on the @ss.

You didn't need to be put in the hot seat and, of course, he blamed you first because they always lash out at the ones closest to them. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that others could connect the dots and when confronted, he was taken aback and the guilt of what he was doing kicked in. You were the target, not your friend.

I can understand why your h was so upset and angry. Here he thinks he's free as a bird and it appears that "mom" has someone spying on him. He didn't like it and he sure didn't like her stepping in and having a conversation w/him. In his eyes, spying and telling him the what for didn't bode well w/him. One good thing that came out of this is that he got all of his feelings off his chest and told you just how he felt. Yes, he was done at that time and it's still in the back of his mind even though he said he would try to work on things w/you. "Done" and "leaving" are always there as an escape route when things get tough.

As for your inlaws, maybe they see him as moving out and providing them w/money and support. We don't know what he's told them about the situation. Maybe they don't like sharing him w/you and your family. They are very odd.

Don't push the counseling card w/him. He's stubborn and he's going to try to work things out for himself but it's not going to work for him. As for the sex ban...you hit it on the nail head...the emotional connection is too difficult for him right now. He's one confused individual.

I hate to say this, but he's going to be even paranoid for quite some time, thanks to your friend. He's not going to rest easy for a long time because he's going to be looking over his shoulder to see if you or someone else is following him and spying on him. The best thing to do is just ignore this behavior and continue doing what you've been doing, i.e., living your life.

The holidays are always difficult for the mlcer because it brings out the guilt and shame more often than not. Little things will trigger anger and the "fight or flight" feelings for them. I'm not making excuses for their behavior, but I've seen quite a bit of this behavior especially around the Christmas holidays.

I do hope today is a better day for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.