My Security Blanket

[bustingout]

Thank you jbnati and SD. I honestly don't know why I dropped so low the past few days.

Wait. I do. I had expectations. I had expectations that because things were becoming more pleasant and friendly between us, that something might start to finally change positively with regards to our M.

My gut told me me somehow OW was out of the way. and she was. She was out of the country. I could sense the shift in my H. He was softer, warmer.

And as it got closer and closer to him leaving to be with OW, and the chaos of the wedding, and the cousin arriving, its just started to feel darker around him. I wanted to take my kids away from the lies and the shadiness and deceit.

And when he did leave, I fell. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to reach out...explain my view point, make it about me I guess and our needs (me and the kids). But this is his journey. This is what he needs to do. It may lead him to the other side with us and it may not. Who am I to interfere.

Boundaries.

I need emotional ones for myself.

And I have decided I will not move to Dubai. I haven't told him yet, as his decision is still not 100 percent final. But when/if it is, I will tell him. So I guess, he and OW will basically move there and start their life. They would have whether or not I was going anyway, and I am not ready to move my life, my home, etc to another country while I am still healing and recovering.

H is going to be away again starting in mid-Jan. Who knows for how long this time. Maybe that is weighing in on part of my dark head.
Better go for now.

Love to all.