Stuck between a hard place and the biggest rock.

[25yearsmlc]

Lots of details, lots of things to think about. Brace.

So today I get there to pick my son. W is downstairs, and I ask if she wants to come along. She says ok.

my guess is you think it must have been DBing b/c she said yes. But it was pursuit, again. Just b/c it didn't blow up in your face THIS TIME doesn't mean you are DBing.

So we go to my place, and in the car we do small talk. (Of course I do not mention R, or D, or legal stuff).

Thank God.

At home, I serve biscuits, juice and read him a story and play with him. W was on the couch, slouched.
So, I go sit next to her, and she started stroking our S and kissing him, like 10 cm from me. Oh I wished, I so wished we were still together...
At some point, I take a picture, I wish you could see it, I'm teaching S to ride the tricycle, and W is laying on the couch, as if it were nothing, as if we were a normal family. Disturbing.


why disturbing?


We watch a little Blu-Ray, I play piano, we eat chocolate, and there's no talk of proceedings, of custody battles or anything, just neutral stuff.

Then, it was time, so I drive them back home. On the way back, I don't how it came but I was telling her how I went to hunting with my friend in Italy and then I said, "but I know you got mad at me for wanting to get shotguns and rifles, so I didn't".


why'd you say that? ^^^ What was your goal? To prove what?


Later, we were talking about death (I'm an alpinist, so naturally, it is a very present and real thing for us), and she asked me if I still was interested in going to the Anapurna, and I responded "nah, now things are different, I have responsibilities now" and turned and looked our S.
Those are two MAJOR BIG TIME 180s, they are 360 !
I used to being absorbed only by paragliding this, Nepal that, etc... and now I'm showing that my family and our S are more important than me!

you are SAYING words that sugggest new priorities. That's nice. But Don't assume she'll believe them, or that she'll assume your changes are going to last even if they are "real" at the moment...that takes consistency AND time.


Reading your comments, I then sent this :
"Would you like us to talk about a progressive plan/agreement to works towards via which we would reach a more equal parenting arrangement over the next few weeks/month?" thanks Bustorama[/b

Good^^^

I even suggested that I was open to leaving young Bruce at her mom when I was at work.[b] thanks Adinva. I even thanked the good work her mom is doing!!!!!!!

--> This way[b], I'm showing pure interest in S rather than my wants. And that I don't rush, to punish her or anything.[/b]

Bruce, sorry...but these comments^^^ are just normal things that considerate people say. Just a few days ago, You were just complaining about the hassle of having to take him to daycare and pay for it WHILE saying you want more custody ...when in fact you were perfectly willing to remove him from the only care he's gotten for the past year, more than half his life...with your wife and her parents. You said he'd "get over it in a week" and you sure didn't sound as if you cared much...NO offense mon ami, but comments like that make you sound as if parenting is completely new and foreign to you.

now you are awakening to the reality that it LOOKS self centered and I'm glad you get that. In total, this is not "proof" of you making your son THE priority. Not yet.

And it's not a tactic or a strategy, if it's better for our toddler to have a smooth transition, so be it.

It IS better for him to have a smooth transition. No question.


What counts is in the end that I can have him 50%.


No. What counts is that what is best FOR HIM, is what happens. You are not, at the moment, what is best for him. I'm sorry. I take no pleasure saying that. But how can you argue that you are who is best for him when you say things like "he'll get over it in a week" AND you don't know him? And you still mock your wife and are seething w/rage just under the surface.


I also alluded that the best for him was to have a mom and dad, and that I was glad the door was open to take things slowly between W and me : this is to try and clarify what she meant the other day... which I still am not sure of. (And if I ask now, I sure will look like the uninterested not-listening guy).

What did She say or do when you alluded to that? I WOULD tell her you are not clear about what she meant when she made the "take it slowly" comment...

it's better than not knowing and looking as if you DID hear her well but chose to ignore what she said...

better to be clear (and swallow your pride) and admit you were distracted and confused, than to pretend to know....and to guess wrong.

Please give me kudos. 8/10 at least, come on already!