LBS gearing up for the long haul

[Dm45]

Some confessions, questions, and I need a 2x4 or three...

Last week, on tues and Wed, I decided to "test the waters" since we had some baby steps. I initiated contact. (I believe for first time that wasn't planned ahead) tues convo documented above. Wed, temp had dropped quickly, texted "Cold outside W". Used her full first name instead of shortened. That's a thing we do between each other when being playful. No text back. Didn't sweat it, though maybe it contributed to my bad Thursday. Didn't hear from her until she asked what time to come to dinner on Saturday morning.

Saturday evening I said I always worry if I text and no answer, that I understand if she can't talk right then but some sort of acknowledgement, even if later, would be appreciated. She said ok to that.

Saturday evening she said she might get gifts wrapped and bring them over today, perhaps hang out for a while. Her words. Had plans to shop with girlfriend in morning. (she hates shopping so much that DDAY came in part because she told me in sept she was shopping at mall with girlfriend and i didnt believe her. Pressed her on it and she confessed..tis the season, though, so i let it go)

Said she would tell me if she got done and was coming, either way.

At 4:20 I got a little miffed that she hadn't told me anything yet. Called her. No answer. Her voicemail is not set up. Called immediately again, no answer, then 3 more times over 45 minutes. Texted "Would you please tell me whether you are OK?"

A half hour later she texted, "I'm fine. Sorry. My phone was off and I didn't know it."

what I did not say was "You have an iPhone. I have an iPhone. I have never unintentionally turned mine off. Don't think it's really possible you didn't know it was off."

Called her. Told her was worried. Told her I felt like we left it that she would be contacting me. Said she hadn't got to it yet. Was short with me, wanted to end call. I said "what are you busy?" she said yes.........don't know why I asked that because it really didn't help to know, it pissed me off, and my stupid mind wondered what she was busy doing that she turned off phone. Stupid a$$.

I don't remember what I said to make her say "I just need time and I feel a lot of pressure" I know for sure I didn't ask her to come home or what she was so busy doing.

I said "I know, know, know you need time, and I'm trying not to pressure. I'm sorry. My mind just reels sometimes, can you understand?" she said yes.

I said I was hoping for the hangout... She said she felt bad, and I know she does...sore throat last night, a little coughing on phone...and she opens surgery center on Monday so early to bed, to rise.

My question is was it too soon to initiate a contact? My thought is, if I can do it without pursuing, and without getting bent out of shape, then trying to initiate every few days might be ok?

I wish I could just be numb until this gets better. I had calmed down but rereading this got me going again.

I feel like I've had a relapse. Swing away.