I guess this is a journal/vent/advice seeking post.. lol.
I feel like I've grown leaps and bounds since my BD in 2010. Most of in the form of breaking negative thinking, codependency behaviors, and breaking the victim triangle.
When I go home.. it all comes back in my face.
In short - my family doesn't know how to express their feelings in a non passive agressive way. When they are upset, they attack. When you express, they take the victim stance.
My nephew had his sweet 16 party which unfortunately was the same night as another party with more popular kids. Only 8 kids came.
My nephew has been abandoned by his father, has a psycho g/f, and always wants to be liked. He was crushed. He was quiet and struggling to have a good time...
.. and somehow my family makes it all about THEM.. saying he was ruining the party for everyone???
My heart just broke for him. I said if he wanted to sit and do nothing that was ok. Him and I have gotten really close over the past year and a half.
My other nephew is slightly overweight.. and he's on a diet.. My mom goes above and beyond to buy him healthier foods. My sister has healthy options but says that he also needs to learn to make good choices. (she has 4 other kids so..)
Last night - he did well with his meal.. but I saw him sneaking cookies.
.. and that just brought me back to my x. All her life struggling with diets and stuff. We didn't keep cookies and such in the house - but still she found way to sneak food.
And between the two things - it just sent my mom on a rampage that continued to this morning. Telling me how no one loves her, how i supported x but not nephew, and how i'm like my dad.
I just kept my mouth shut with tears running down my cheeks.....
and what I really really hate about this whole thing.. is NOT how sh!tty she made me feel.. but how much I wanted to call x.
Not to talk about my mom, but my nephew.. and how I can support him.. because I don't know if I supported her well whilst she was struggling with weight.
She would join gym memberships and not go - I never made her feel guilty.
Certain foods would tempt her and I wouldn't have them in the house - no matter how much I liked them.
Whatever she tried - I supported.. from kickboxing to running to OA
When she started dropping clothing sizes - we would celebrate and go shopping.
Up until last night - I truly thought that I supported my wife well with her eating disorder.. but my mom made me think differently.....
.. to the point where I almost broke NC to ask her and get her advice. A NC that I didn't initiate.
How stupid?? Me reaching out to a woman who wants nothing to do with me?? She's not mean about it.. she's just moved on.
I can't imagine being one of the people on here who was with their spouse for 20-30 years. I'm having a hard enough time after only 8.
I actually had to call my friend to stop me from placing the call. Reminding me that unless it's an emergency, I should never contact x.
Lord help me get through these next 3 wks. I know I have changed.. but man.. this is hard.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
