Seems like you already know the answer. Get out of her way. If you have to, drive somewhere and cry in your car. Go to a coffee shop and read. Just leave her alone.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
It's been awhile since I last posted. A lot has changed. Things were deteriorating the longer I stayed n the house, I wasn't able to detach while being in the house and I inevitably reacted emotionally to w when she instigated arguments or attacked me verbally. When she started using words like harassment , I decided I needed to get out of the house because she was heading down a very dark road not based on reality, but based on her own imagined fears. I also think that she may have gone down this road to force me out, anyways I moved to a friends house temporarily. I think it was the best thing to do in my sitch because I tried for 3 months with mc and things just kept getting worse. Definaty a cheese less tunnel. Since I left w has been nicer to me, texting me that she knows what a sacra ice Im making and that it is already helping her release her defensiveness and begin to access her true emotions. This weekend she is ok with me staying at the house with the kids. I'am telling her that I want to coparent with her, as my DB coach told me. I'am not speaking about our R, and I'am not putting any pressure on her, just trying to be a helpful friend. I know this will be a long process, and I know I'am not supposed to have Any expectations, but I do love her and hope that the time and space will help her come around combined with me being a good friend and coparent.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
It's been awhile! So that weekend she let me stay at the house worked against me. I again was not able to act like a neighbor. We had a R talk and it was the same old BS. I went back to my friends house after the weekend. I'am determined to give her what she wants, a 3 month separation for her to get time and space.
She told me I could hang with my kids the coming Friday night and that she would stay at her mom's house and give me the house. She was going to a movie that night with friends. I don't know why, but as I was driving over to the house, I started crying and by the time I got there I was raw. I saw her dressed up with her night bag and I lost it. It was an emotional breakdown in front of her and the kids. She cancelled her plans and took the kids to her mom's house. Really Bad!
The next day I told her that I was too emotional to coparent and see her, take liberties by staying over at the house etc. I told her I need a true break, no seeing her until I heal. She agreed, but said that she wold have to get someone to take care of the puppy while she worked. After she researched, it turned out that it was more money then we could afford, so I told her I would keep coming to the house while she worked, but that I would time it so that we didn't see each other. She agreed, but said that I must make it to our sons birthday and our daughters music recital and that I have to call the kids at night to say goodnight. I agreed.
Yesterday was sons birthday. I cooked dinner for the family plus inlaws. W came home, she was nervous, but I kept it together and she calmed down. MIL was distant. I was determined to make it all about my son. Its his day, the dinner was for him, and I was happy everyone could be there for him. I'am also aware that I cannot breakdown anymore in front of W or kids. I told W that if I feel emotional again , I will text her and cancel plans with family. She agreed. Dinner went well, after we went to Daughters school concert. W asked me to stay away from house Friday because she was off of work. I agreed but said i have to go home to get clothes. We went home and I hung with kids. W asked me if I wanted to put kids to bed, I said yes. Put them to bed, then said goodbye with a hug.
I felt bad after I left, but happy today that I was able to provide a great night for the family yesterday and proved that I could be positive. Received a thank you text from w today for last nights dinner.
Im about to leave town for 10 days and I hope that this break will create some kind of forward motion when i get back, but I'm trying not to cling to an outcome so that I'am not let down more. Its hard to balance holding onto hope, but at the same time expecting the worst!
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
I am sorry, I know how hard this is. If you can keep at it through the dark times it may get a little easier, but I know how heartbreaking this can be. Good to see you back here though.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
It's a little weird hearing him read his own book, but the info can be helpful. I read your last post. I understand how you feel after not getting the love from your husband, you start to look for it somewhere else. I understand how hitting a brick wall over and over wears you out. I guess it's a natural process, and a person can only take so much, so I feel you. But I encourage you to hold out a little longer in the spirit of DBing.
Me:46 W:40 M:10 T:17 D:9 S:6 BD:12/11 ILYBINILWY:8/12 Served 2/13 I moved out 2/13 I moved back 6/13 W moved out 9/13
Thanks Nail. I have no intention of getting into anything with this guy, but of course, that's what I said about OM2 and look how that turned out. I do want to give my H the benefit of the doubt and I know I can't do that if there's some other guy around. On the other hand, I can't help feeling the need for a "back up plan" given that H and I aren't making much progress.
Funny, I went to a party this afternoon and Eckhart Tolle came up. Apparently he was just a regular guy who had a flash of inspiration one day which totally changed his life.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
I don't know why, but as I was driving over to the house, I started crying and by the time I got there I was raw. I saw her dressed up with her night bag and I lost it. It was an emotional breakdown in front of her and the kids. She cancelled her plans and took the kids to her mom's house. Really Bad!
This far into it you shouldn't still be having breakdowns like this, have you had yourself evaluated for depression and possible treatments? Of course we all go through depression to some extent in these sitches, but if you're months into it and not seeing any improvement then steps need to be taken to reign it in. I think we tend to underestimate how damaging it can be to ourselves and to our efforts to DB. Having breakdowns in front of our spouses can derail months of efforts. When depression is properly treated then PMA comes MUCH easier and all areas of your life see immediate improvement.
