It's been close to a month since my last post and a lot has changed. I haven't checked in on everyone yet and hope to do so tonite when kids are asleep. I look forward to hearing positive news.
I completed my inventory and wow! was it revealing! I learned so much about myself. Mostly how much I react to situations and blame others for many things. I have noticed a very big difference for the better in my interactions with everyone (including H).
I had a talk with H a few days after our first dinner alone and said, I'm willing to try. From that day on whenever I get a trigger and a very resentful vibe I remember what I said, I am willing to overcome this and just like that I let the feeling pass. I no longer let it control me.
We have continued with our dinners on Tues night. Last week we had our fourth and it was nice. He continues to hug me when he leaves and even reminds me in case I'm busy doing something.
He has said, he still doesn't feel ready to come back home yet but that he is working on it. One example he gave, what if you get a trigger and kick me out? I reminded him that I'm much better now and don't allow my emotions to control me.
My job is to enjoy the present moment and I'm working very hard at it. I try to live in the present and learn from the past.
My plans for Christmas, EVE - kids go with me to my brother's in the morning and evening with H and his family. Meanwhile I will go to dinner and a movie with friends. DAY - morning H will come over to open gifts with kids. After their nap go to my sister's house.
H would like me to join his family on Xmas Eve but I feel so hurt at the thought of coming home without him on that night. I considered asking him to spend the night but then I will feel hurt when he doesn't stay the following night. Expectations are what I'm avoiding.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
