TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Why? Why would you not clarify. And then offer a I will think about it or a yes or a no.

Instead of clarifying, I stopped and thought about what she just said. Then I felt like I would be pressuring her if I asked her if she ment me being there as well. As if I'm just twisting what she says out of hope.

Stop with the validation , validation , validation. It is a zero sum game that is not communication. It is a tool to be used on deflating anger , fear ....etc... without not offering anything of substance. Validation is just acknowledging yea I heard you when you know that is all your role is in the conversation.

Yeah I see your point.
I simply validated to avoid a conversation about it.

Communication. You missed out on a conversation here. So I recommend while the conversation is fresh that you followup on the conversation on the open ended part of xmas eve and chirstmas morning. Just be truthful that you are unsure of what Lady UF expectations were for that time. If she was asking to join in on your time with you and your son. ( I think it would be a mistake to give up that time. This is a consequence to choices. Truth darts. I think if she expected to take him I would say no that you have compromised on some time already and that you really want to be with you son. )

First, to clarify.
She has already told me she changed shift on the 24th, that was about a month ago and we agreed she could have him the first half of the day.
I don't know why she brought it up as if it was something new.
Anyway, our agreement was for her to have him in the morning and me in the evening. That's why I pondered on what she ment by US having breakfast. She said it like she ment the three of us.

But as I said, I was afraid I'd come across as intrusive, which is not what I want to do now.

On the other hand, if she IS reaching out, what impression do I leave her with when I just nod my head like it doesn't matter.

And a sentence you gave me earlier pops up in my head "stop going into OR talks!".
And I ask myself, where is the point in going into OR talks and avoiding the healthy ones. I do have a lot to work on.

This is something you should really address here. As it is an issue I see with you. Communication and sense of urgency. Work this out within yourself and you will see communication with LadyUF and yourself improve greatly ( as well in other communications with everyone around you).

I don't believe our communication was this bad some years ago, but now it's tense. Maybe I'm afraid of making things worse. I do need to work on that and ease up.

Our project at work has reached it's end, they finished while I was sick(ugh). That leaves room for me to have S one of these weekdays. I need to discuss which day with my X tomorrow, and I will clarify what the plan for christmas will be.

I feel like the opposite of most WAS in terms of communication. We are both confused, and while a WAS might say a lot of crazy contradictive things, I just say as little as possible instead. None of which are very helpful.

I think if she expected to take him I would say no that you have compromised on some time already

Yes if that would have been the case I agree, I would decline. I don't want to compromise too much. The line she gave me the other day; "I don't have any errands to run tomorrow so there is no reason for you to have him" is still fresh in my memory. Even though it was in the heat of the moment, I surely hope that is not how she sees things, b/c that is far from the reality.