My trust in others? I what respect? In general? In love? In commitment?
In love I guess my trust for others in a direct reflection of how I would trust myself in the same situation. So right now not too high. Maybe a 5. I wasn't trustworthy with X1 and I know the X2 knew a lot more than me well before D was the only option but chose to do it her way. Chose to wait for me to change rather than sharing her needs with me in a direct way - she knew something I didn't know and didn't tell me - not very trustworthy. For X2 maybe a as well.
So in relationships in general my trust is not too high right now mainly because of the lack of trust I have in myself. I knew so much, even when I didn't know what was wrong, I knew something was wrong and didn't do anything, until it was too late. And if I don't trust myself to a high degree how can I trust others to a high degree...
Yes, I'm trapped. I had something that was great with X1 and gave up on it. I had a love that was awesome with X2 and was so sensitive to loosing it I did nothing which led to me loosing it. M1 was a very safe and secure place with lots of love. M2 was a very, very deep place full of primal emotions and being in love.
I had two things at different times in my life that so many people are looking for. I had them both and I either gave up on them(M1) or lost sight of what was important(M2).
