And by R, you mean only reconcile? and not get back together? I define reconciling as getting back together. If it is R and not getting back together what would be the purpose to R? By that I mean what there be to R for. Would I be apologizing or admitting that I was escaping and not being engaged when I should have been? I have already told her that I wasn't engaged and taken ownership of that with her.
R with X1 - is that really a smart thing to do? Is it even a humane thing to do. From what I hear she is married and a child is on the way - I know it took her a long time to get over what happened - do I want to bring that all to the surface again for her (yes, I know, maybe I don't want to do it because I may not want to bring it to the surface for me. But, no, that's not it. I actually do want to reconnect with X1 and apologize, but that is for my own personal need, not hers. I want to make amends but isn't that for me and not for her?
If I were to do that with X1 I probably would do it, or at least start it via email. From my POV that would give her the option of not replying and that would be a flag to me that she has no interest in doing that - who am I to force her to do that - I already broke her heart...I think she knows I went back to X2 - after a while I just started living my life with X2 as I would with anyone, including Facebook posts, updating my profile to say am I married to X2, all my "friends" would have seen that on their Wall, including X1 - it would have crushed her...
I don't even know what their is to R with for X2. We parted on relatively good terms - no divorce fighting, no lawyers, no yelling, no "I hate you's", none of that. When I left the house for good I told her I loved her. If we see each other in public we casually smile and say hi, or just lightly wave if she drives by me...my heart breaks every time, but I just keep going.
