TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

My X stopped by today to pick up S. It was all good mood.
I am supposed to have S from Friday to Sunday and last half of Monday(christmas eve)
She said she wanted him on Sunday as she would not see him alot during christmas and I said it was OK.
She then said "I've asked to change shift at work on christmas eve, I don't think it will be any problem. If it works out, we can eat christmas breakfast together."
I don't know if she ment her and S, or the three of us, and I didn't ask either. I just acknowledged that I heard what she said. Time will tell anyway.



Since yesterday I've spent many hours going over the concept of boundaries.

Even started reading a book about it.
It turned out to be focused almost entirely around religion, and as I am not a religious man I found it a bit hard to balance religion with phsycology. It seems to have good points though.

I realize it's going to take more work and reflection than I thought, but I've got a good starting point laid out. Even got to use one point today, which worked out just how it should.

I realize that I've got to be consistent in putting boundaries related to my work. (and saying no in general) That seems to be the biggest imbalance in my life. I see now that I've spent too much time at work and it's an evil circle :

Too much time at work/never saying no ---> guilt towards friends and family ---> tries to do as much as possible for everyone when home with no time for everything, a lot of stress and half a$$ed commitments ---> OR is exhausted and does nothing at all ---> feels bad when saying no to work b/c I never do.

That only left me with feelings of being inadequate and unfulfilled. I'm glad I've started being more balanced on this point already, and I need to work more on it and be consistent.

Of course other boundaries need to be worked on as well. Disrespect, cake eating, guilt trips/manipulative behaviour, lying etc.