<What else might you have done different in either Ms to make positive changes to the Ms?> That's a tough question. I really only see two things that I could have done. One we defined as engaging or not escaping - and I see that under the "communication" umbrella. The second is all about me and nothing about them. Actually, now that I think about it it all falls under engaging. Weather engaging in the M or engaging in my own personal life outside of the M. You see, I wanted so much more than I was asking for in each M but for the most part, and more so in the second M, I didn't ask for it or pursue it. I should have done both in both Ms. As for M1 it might have been a mistake from the beginning. I don't say this as a regret, because I don't regret it. But I lied to her. She asked me over and over again, and I lied. What was the point in telling her the truth to that question? It would only hurt her like hell and possibly end our relationship. And what will I do now? Will I have to do the same thing to a future relationship if it turns out not to be with X2? What I am talking about is how I love X2. I am not confident about many things right now, but I am confident in this - I know how I love X2, I know how I loved X2 in 9th grade. And M1 knew that. She knew about X2, the high-school sweetheart version of X2. She knew, well, she just knew. And she would ask, do you still love her, is she still in your heart...I would say of course not, that was years ago, that was high school. But I knew I was lying - but what was the point of telling a girl that there was another girl that I loved to that degree?
<What do you think X1's top three complaints about you, were?"> The first, at least early on, even before getting M, but while living together was what I already brought up. Her knowing deep down how I felt for another girl. All she wanted was to be loved by me to at least the same degree. The second would be me not standing up for her when it came to my family, or more specifically to my sister. My sis didn't "work well" with X1. My sis is a very independent, strong willed, confident person. X1 was a very smart, entrepreneurial, had loads of friends, great with family, heck, after university she went overseas and taught English in South Korea while i was finishing up college...all that said, deep down, she needed to be approved. Especially by my sis, she wanted so much to get my sisters' acceptance, my sister saw this, and was not going to do it. I should have stood up more for X1 with my sis. X1 wanted me to stand up for her more. Third, I guess how I handled stress. My company moved out of my city once and I lost my job. It took 5 months to find another and I was a wreck. I was stressed and rude and angry and not very proud of myself during those months. I hated it and handled it in an awful way. We were actually fine financially, we ad saving just for a thing like that but it didn't seem to matter.
<What do you think X2's top three complaints about you, were?> These are 3 things I can take from how she communicated to me at times. But importantly, she never actually "complained" about anything, she would brings things up, she would ask if I thought that was the best way to do it but she would never complain and she would never "tell" me do anything. First, second, and third: all the things she would hint or or question all have to do with one thing - me engaging in life, me doing things, me being the one to suggest things, me saying hey let's go to the bank and see what kind of mortgage we could get, me coming up with a weekend plan for us and my step-daughter. Getting the picture?
