Good Ruby. Keep it up. NC. Let him initiate. I hope he saw you flirting with some of those hot rugby players.
He did initiate. Came over to see if boots he bought D fit. We chatted (I look like crap lol, I am sick), I asked if he would like a coffee, he said yes.
We chatted about our lives, again he raised the "I move in with D" you get out thing but just said we disagree. Tried to say that commute is long and I would be cranky :P
I said that if you were worried then I would be happy for you to come out here evenings or we could switch spaces a couple of days a week-but neither of those are suitable of course. I remained calm and just said that he was welcome here anytime in the evenings. Apparently not an option either lol
I just replied that I have changed the way I interact with kids and will build that stress into my day and be aware of it. He replied, ya, kids say it's still up and down (I didn't say anything)
He mentioned moving apartments, I agreed that he would need a bigger one for all his stuff
He mentioned that D was not happy with him and I said she hasn't communicated too much before because of your job and living apart. She'll get used to it. H implied he communicated well in the past at least as much as he was allowed to (I let it go).
Talked about vacation in summer and how it would go-far away so I won't even think right now.
Said I was running a 10k at friends place in summer and camping there (we missed last year and apparently was a blast). He said he was too, is probably bringing gf.
Mentioned that the team leader wants him to buy a road bike and train. GF belongs to race team. H is not the athletic guy...has lost 50 pounds and is running and weights-but smokes and drinks lol.
Said he had to rent a locker in city for all stuff and I said,"yes your place is small for all those things from work."
Also, said I should come and run in city once and I said sure but he would certainly be faster than me!
No mention of GF over xmas-thank god, I thought that was what he was coming to discuss.
Very friendly, very nice. Talked about my phone bill. Long distance charges-he says oh to parents? I said no....
Good convo, I remained happy (as I could lol doped up on cold and flu). Not confrontational. He kept putting out feelers of I will buy you out of house, where will you be when you are down your degree, you don't have to stay here etc. I said sounds good, agreed with just about everything lol!!
Good start to a week, still NC, no R or emotion talks, fb off, emails off
That's the problem with getting involved too soon - you guys should have been having these conversations before you decided to split. Now he's in a big rush to move it all along and clearly, he's not done.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Thanks Tori-catching up on your sitch shortly-have to go teach Grade four with my cold...Yikes!
Regretful, we are not done, I know this, but I cannot guarantee that he will be back. I just posted to Busting a couple of lines of threadjack, so I won't repost here.
But, Universe always gives what you need, not necessarily what you want lol! In this case, it is the flu, and has forced me to focus on me, nice eh? My own sniffly 2x4.
Today, I feel calm, because no fb (thanks guys rocking idea), no emails going with me to school. Just phone and a book for spare
And kleenex....lol
Now, if only I could stop the messaging... (I have tried, cannot block him )
Funny story: Yesterday I tell D, cuz I am in bed, no glasses, text your brother "Mum says to come home plse"
No reply, I am getting a little p*ssed. I say to D, give me your phone. I look and the answer is "Tell her I can't I will call her tomorrow."
I'm like WTH? D texted it to H by mistake !!!! OMG, I laughed. So she texted back it was meant for S lol!! Nice faux pas
I am happy to read that fb, emails have been stopped. Its very empowering once we start taking some control.
I hope you are feeling better re: the cold.
(((((( )))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am so mad....so, H emails and says why have I been telling everyone about him not knowing about the tests I had when he has known for weeks. I said this was same test but for something totally unrelated to the other problem. When SIL texted me a couple days ago, I said I didn't tell H about it cuz I didn't want to stress him or affect any decisions. Now H is mad because he says I was splitting hairs and it's the same thing, he was worried for weeks. I responded that I just thought since you never mentioned anything that he didn't really care or didn't remember at all. So i kept going through the tests without letting anyone know.
I called SIL and apologized for mis quoting about H not knowing about tests and she started to say but I didn't say...and since H quoted my text verbatim, she is lying. arrgghh what a mess, I tried to do the right thing and it turns out like this.
H calls (!) we continue convo, iron out misunderstanding and talk.
Short version:
He says he wants to be friends, I am like his best friend and we need trust between the two of us. That trust goes both ways. This as a result of me saying that he is not my person to go to anymore because we are separated, he is seeing someone else and I can't have him there emotionally. I said I realize that it has been years for him but for the kids and I it has only been 9 weeks.
Then he said, well then I can't tell you things blah blah, so I said let's make sure we communicate well and see where it goes.
He didn't lie about dinner, he stayed out here and blew off gf to help sister and his friend. Said he actually came by to see me.
I said as far as introducing new gf to kids (he asked if D knows) I said let's consult a psychologist. I said anything I've read says 6 months to a year, but let's see what the professionals say...instead of saying "Ya, dude, this ain't gonna last"....I don't want kids intro'd to a string of gf's
Also said he was not happy when I said I was going out and would be back at ten. He wanted more info. because if I had a date that would have made him very happy. He said going out with my friends makes him happy, I said it makes me happy too! He was all "What does that mean" I said "just that", makes me happy!!
So, I don't know how to proceed here. Told him I am going low tech for a while because I spend too much time on the computer etc. So if he realy needs something to call.
That also gives me an excuse not to answer right away. When I didn't today, he emailed three times, one asking if I was mad, texted and called the home phone and my cell. I don't want to game play,so I am uncomfortable not returning emails, but will not initiate.
Can someone chime in about how to proceed from this point? He wants to be friends, but doesn't want me as his wife. Living apart I need to have contact. How do I balance DB'ing with this? I think if he starts opening up, fine but he will have to initiate? I could reply but not volunteer info about my life, although I live in small town.
Also, it's been like 65 days, how could he think I have a date?? Sheesh
It's a 180 to open up, and he has said I never really open up. In emails last week I said if you want to know something just ask, so he did (about tests and him "not knowing" big miscommunication there-settled though)
How do I balance my 180s? I am happy to be on my path right now. It was a bumpy couple of weeks but the flu has calmed me down lol?
Any advice? Vets?
These are my promises: NC unless contacted first No volunteering info about how wonderful I am doing etc. Volunteer about kids etc. No one upping...I noticed I was doing that this weekend to an extent. He would say "I blah blah blah" Then I would say "Well I blah blah blah blahed"....that behaviour has to go.
Again he said about his family xmas dinner and that I only told him this week. I said I had to do a lot of thinking about it and when I said I would go, it was to make everyone else happy. But I wasn't thinking about me. I won't be comfortable and my level of discomfort would certainly affect everyone else, so I decided to decline. He said that I was going out but wouldn't say where etc. (He asked and I said with friends to dinner) and I replied that I didn't know where he was every evening, we are separated, and I didn't want to know or want to ask because it's fine.
What is going on that he wants to know all my plans, but I don't ask about his and that's fine?
Anyway, gonna catch up on a few sitches and shut down tech for the night until tomorrow morning.
Thank you for a very open conversation. And a truthful and honest one. I now understand where we are very clearly and what role we will play in each others life moving forward in the near future. If we can rebuild some of our friendship in the future that would be welcomed but in the meantime I will respect your space and privacy and try not to put our friends in difficult positions. I am very glad you are all clear. It did weigh on me whether I reached out to you or not. I will not ask you anything about your personal life and understand your position. I will try to keep my life personal also.
The friends things refers to fact that he said he might drop by on New Year's and a mutual friend basically said that some people weren't comfortable with him or him and me being in same spaced. They didn't say I wasn't invited....
As I said about personal life-see above!! Am I on the track here? Feels that way, but I am not sure yet if I can separate friendship from hope. I guess we will find out...
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