So I just talked to MIL, just tried to ask her if H said anything else.
Don't talk to his family. They are HIS family. Have you heard "blood is thicker than water"? It doesn't matter how bad he acts, they will ALWAYS side with him. Have you ever seen convicted murderers whose family is crying in the courtroom when they hear the verdict and afterwards they're outside telling the cameras what a "good kid" he is? Do not underestimate the power of family, they will support him no matter what. Don't take it personally, that's just how strong the connection is.
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But then she said she told H that he needs to get this done soon, that she can't take it anymore.
Wow. SHE can't take it anymore. Well how dare you inconvience her. It amazes me how selfish people can be.
Don't fall for that. I have the same issues here. H family act like it is my fault he isn't around more. Problem is, I'm not either. lol MY kids are though and really what am I supposed to do about that? They want to see them or not. You know?
Anyway, while I hate to sound nasty- H family want what is best for H. Not you. Or perhaps what they perceive is best. My experience is that even if they disagree they don't say a word because they simply do not want a bad relationship with H. Sounds like it may be the same in your case.
I would also say don't contact your inlaws unless you absolutely have to.
I really need to shut up. I realized that it's still so hard to control my emotions when it comes to talking about me and H, with... anyone face to face! Like today, after I heard what his mom said, I went back to my room and cried. I really do understand she is supporting him no matter what, I couldn't help feeling really helpless at that moment when she said those things... But yeah, it's a good reference you gave, I just should give up asking ILs about H. They won't say anything no matter what they know...
Yeah....she can't take it anymore. She D'ed before and now she's in a better place, so to her, I don't think it's that big of a deal. She said we met young and we could've made a mistake, which is true, but this D could be a mistake too, but seems they don't look at it that way.
Thanks MKB23, I understand how ILs would feel that way, but it still hurts when they show it I'll try to not talk to them about me and H at all if possible. And yeah, they say that they do not want to put their hands on our "personal" issues and I'm kinda sad they would not help, but after all, I'm not their child, they'd rather have a good relationship with their son, you are right! Thanks!
I haven't been posting for awhile. Not much happened between us. Actually, nothing happened between us. My life is slowly moving on. I am graduating and looking for a job. We have no contact at all for almost 3 months. I hate myself for "snooping" once again just now, after weeks of peace. I saw that they are still together and even more committed together, like "spending life together" kind of commitment. I wanna tell myself that this is normal, this is going to end, this is just an affair. But, meanwhile, I don't see how this is going to end.
He is not contacting me, at all. I am not contacting him either. I do not know how this is going to work. I am still thinking about him every day, I can't believe it. I once lost almost all my feelings for him but now all the memories came back, everyday.
I want to contact that OW. at least she won't block my phone call if I do call her for the first time. But then what, I do believe she is that kind of tricky woman.
I see no hope, really...no hope at all right now. I just want to cry. I shouldn't have snooped. I know I know.... I feel like my H is so stupid and cruel but I am stupid for being sad too.
Morning, still hope to get some advice from here. I have this big event coming up next week, should I envite H? We still have no contact, and I don't want to initiate it. But meanwhile, I'm worried about that we will never contact each other!
This is such a tough sitch for you. It must be hard, and I do pray for you. I do have a question for you. Let's say you do invite him (not suggesting you do), and he accepts. How would you act toward him? Would you have expectations? Why do you want him there?
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Thank you Grateful, After thinking about your question, I realized that I am not ready to do what I want to. I do have expectations, I was hoping that I would act cheerful and as if I am okay. I expect him to notice that I am NOT as bad as he imagined. Then once he is gone, hopefully he would have some doubts in his decision. But. Honestly, I don't know if I could handle it as I wish. Plus, my parents and his parents will be there for sure. That might make things complicated.
I want him there because it is an important event for me. And I really have no other reason to get him to come see me....I'm just worried that he won't contact me again. I don't even know if he filed for divorce yet or not. Does he have to notify me if he does file for divorce?
It's hard to say IF he will initiate contact, but it would contain less pressure if he did it as opposed to you.
If you are the one to initiate, he might feel the need to keep distant and cold while there. If you have expectations, a response like that might be hard to handle.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
I'll try to not talk to them about me and H at all if possible. And yeah, they say that they do not want to put their hands on our "personal" issues and I'm kinda sad they would not help, but after all, I'm not their child, they'd rather have a good relationship with their son, you are right! Thanks!