Does anyone else feel a fear that all the GAL stuff will just make H think that all is well, everyone is happily moving on, and his leaving was the right decision for us all?

I am finding lots of happy things about my new life - not because this is preferable to my marriage but because I am working hard at GAL, PMA etc to cope with the new life I am facing. I am determined to live a happy life come what may but that doesn't mean I am happy that H left.

I do fear that he will see me being happy, hear from my daughters that I am busy & happy & GAL...and then he will think oh good she has moved on so its all OK. I worry that he will think its OK to move even further away from our R without doing any work on his own issues or looking inside himself at all.

I guess that is where the goal setting helps. And my goals at the moment are mostly about maintaining a friendship. I know I can't expect sudden huge changes of heart, it doesn't work like that. And from what I read, if I am dealing with MLC i am still in early stages - 2 1/2 years in, 11 months post BD, still in Replay... But will friendship ever lead to anything other than amicable co-parenting?

The answer is time isn't it? And patience? And looking for progress in baby steps?

I just need something to give me confidence that I am on the right track. That my efforts are heading me in the right direction. But whats my direction? Is reconciliation the goal? Or being the best me I can be? Or does being the best me lead down the path to reconciliation maybe?

I have been reading lots of threads today so lots of questions tonight. I am feeling confused!

And just thinking and musing...D17 and I saw the movie "The Intouchables" a few weeks ago and we agreed that H would enjoy it. So D17 suggested it to him and they went to see it together. As the movie started she realised she hadn't told him it was all subtitled and she was woried he would be unhappy with that and started to apologise to which he replied "Don't worry, you are not responsible for my happiness". When she told me this I was surprised, it is an unusually introspective comment for H, especially when he clearly blamed me and our R for his unhappiness a year ago. I am hopeful that he is starting to realise that you find your own happiness within yourself rather than relying on others and then can extend that thinking to realise that therefore the source of your unhappiness is not external either but also within you. That would be a big step.


Me46, H49, D17, D11
M22, T25
BD Dec26 2011
he moved out Feb29 2012