So my ex is driving north to visit Ryan for Christmas tommorrow. Ryan's nurse will drive him about 90 min south to meet up with him at the mall. One of the things I have to do every year is buy my ex a Christmas and birthday gift from Ryan since Ryan is unable to do that. On Father's Day I often ask the nurse to pick up a gift card. It still feels awkward to do that and he never would buy something for Ryan to give me but I do it because I know if Ryan had not suffered brain damage - he would have wanted to do this for his Dad.
Last year on Christmas Day (at night) I gave every person in my family (dad, kids, brother, sisters, nieces, nephews) who were sleeping over (17 of us in all) matching red pjs. So we put them on them on and had our picture taken in front of the fireplace. It's funky and fun (and not perfect) - my daughter is hoisting a beer, Ryan's head is down and I think my nephew has his fingers over his cousin's head. Typical. But I have made copies and they are our Christmas card this year.
So the question is - Should I give ex a copy of this card. I want to include a card with his gift. He was a part of this family for 30 years. I think he would want to see how the nieces and nephews have grown up (he has been gone 11 years). Of course Josh is in the pic but he has met Josh and knows we live together and that he is part of my kids' lives. Interestingly - many of his nieces, nephews, cousins, siblings and aunts have added me to Facebook. They have not wanted to lose touch. Most of them have not stayed in touch with him.
Ex will turn 60 on Dec 28. That has to be worrying to him. His parents both died in their early 60s. I know that both he and OW have always believed they would not live long lives. My kids are not planning to celebrate his birthday with him - I believe they will see him only for Christmas - the 2 younger kids will meet with him for lunch next Saturday. They had asked to see him the day after Christmas but he declined. He has never seen them on Christmas since he left.
But whatever. Just interested in your input on the Christmas card. It would be easy to give him a regular card. But he might like the family one. Or hate it.
Well, I'm glad for your input. I didn't want him (or anyone else) to think it was a DIG. TO show him one big happy family without him and Josh in his place. But I DO appreciate his family seeking me out and keep me updated and asking about my kids. Watching theirs grow up too. So - I'll send it and if he chucks it - that's his choice.
Gineen - last Christmas was so special - first time we ever lived away from "home" and the first that anyone had to travel and sleepover. The pajama thing was a hoot and everyone took it in stride. It was perfect to make it into Christmas cards this year.
I will let you know if I hear anything back from him. Highly doubtful.
Ryan's visit with his Dad yesterday was uneventful.The only concern was the road conditions - we had freezing rain and the school busses for at least a hundred miles around us had been cancelled. It was worrying for sure. But Ryan's nurse had driven 45 min to get here in the morning and she said it was fine and I checked the transportation websites and they appeared fine as well. His nurse did tell me after they got back that her drive to the house in the morning had been difficult. I'm not sure why she didn't tell me that when I asked her. But what's done is done...
There was no mention of the card and Ryan brought home 2 gifts. Usually when he is with his Dad they open the gifts then but maybe it was different because the younger kids weren't there.
So no drama is a good thing.
Busily getting everything ready for Christmas - same as most everyone else. I hope to wrap things today. Up till now it has just been a shopping frenzy.
And Josh and I have decided to host a party for our local friends and acquaintances. Used to have a big party every year in Niagara. Had planned a house warming when we moved here but we were overwhelmed with all of Ryan's care planning and the chore of getting the actual move done. (we have WAY too much stuff). Also - we barely knew anyone that first summer.
So we've invited about 25 people. Middle child, Brandon, will already be here for the holidays so that will be good.
And speaking of Brandon... He has struggled the past couple of years. Job dissatisfaction. Finances. Apartment not safe. No girlfriend. Right after Christmas we had a LONG talk about how to turn things around. He had already moved to a better area albeit a tiny apartment but he loves the vibrant, safer atmosphere. So next we tackled the financial stuff. I kept encouraging him to explore better job prospects but he told me he was being on his credit card payments. Almost in crisis. He only has one credit card. So I put him in touch with my own financial advisor but also advised him to use some savings to pay off the card. And that took care of that. Not sure why he hesitated on that.
In April, just before he turned 30, he was really down. We talked a lot about how to turn things around. He had got into it with a co-worker and his boss had threatened to fire them both. (It was verbal with the co-worker and they worked it out). He was really afraid of losing his job, living paycheck to paycheck and felt his boss disrespected him. So I encouraged him to be more vigilant about looking for a new job in his field and that's when he told me he did not have internet at home - just work. I bought him Internet for his birthday (which he did not want to celebrate) and despite his protesting - took him, Josh & Ashley to see Cirque du Soleil and out to a nice steakhouse for dinner. And that week things changed.
5 days later he saw a posting a friend had told him about for the perfect job. He emailed them. They phoned him the next morning and asked him to come in. And within 24 hours - he had been hired. And he LOVES it!
In the new job, he has a co-worker who introduced him to a couple of friends and he went on a couple of blind dates. But they didn't pan out. Then a couple of weeks ago - totally out of the blue - he got an email from a girl who had been a client at his previous job. She got his email from his former co-worker and she asked him if he was interested in helping her set up her digital recording studio at her apartment. (that is his line of work). I had a good feeling about it when he mentioned it but said nothing.
And they are dating now and he feels she might be "the one". I saw her photo (she is actually a twin - and she is gorgeous). His mood has gone sky-high!
I think that one of the best gifts you can ever receive is to know that your children are happy and doing well. Ryan (who had serious complications from MRSA this past year) is doing great - healthy and happy. Ashley (who wanted to break up with her boyfriend a year ago) has moved her R to the next level with her boyfriend moving in and sharing her expenses ($ was a big issue with her as well) and she landed a job in her field but also kept her other job part time. She is happy as well.
My kids were all profoundly affected by the divorce. It seemed that when one was doing ok, one of the others wasn't and the past couple of years have been challenging to say the least. But I'm pleased things are all working out.
I hope you joys will be many this Christmas, your struggles few!
Oh my God. My daughter just texted me from Christmas lunch with her Dad and Brandon (older brother). My ex is currently helping Brandon find a Christmas gift for Josh. My daughter damn near died. SO FUNNY! She said that Brandon is not impressed at all.
I suspect he asked Brandon if he had finished shopping and he mentioned he didn't have the gift for Josh yet so he offered to help. Ashley is nearly wetting her pants - she thinks that is so weird.
Anyway - they had a nice day out and good gifts - they're happy. IT's all good.
I can't wait to find out. I am totally convinced though that Brandon would have not chosen anything but will go out on his own to get it. It is just WEIRD for him to do that. Ashley sure thought so.
So a wonderful event will happen in our home today. Our workers all arranged to come here at the same time (mid afternoon) for a get together for Ryan for Christmas. This is amazing! They all work at different jobs and we kind of live in the boonies. I have tried to arrange something like this for years with different workers/different agencies for Christmas or for Ryan's birthday but it never worked out.
This time the girls took it upon themselves to do it. They are even bringing Santa (I supplied the outfit). The agency head (who I CANNOT stand as you know) - is off on leave in Asia for months. One of Ryan's workers is manning the office and she helped make it all work. And she is coming along with another of our workers who is on maternity leave.
Josh has taken this week off (for the most part - he is working a bit from here on his computer). We're making nice food and beverages for the party.
Ryan has been through so much since he acquired brain damage at age 4. He got sick on Christmas last year and we did not get him back to good health until he got out of hospital in August. A long, long stay. But I'm so glad to say he is doing really well since then and LOVED his trip to Disney World.
We are all reeling from so many tragic events of the past couple of days. I thought you might like to hear of something happy and heartwarming.
May we all pull together at this time. Be extra kind to one another and be grateful for the positive things in our lives.
Barb, What a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. Ryan will enjoy the company and I'm sure you and Josh will too. It's always nice to see people go the extra mile to do the right thing and it appears that the "girls" wanted to do this and thank goodness the agency head is not around!
Enjoy the afternoon and may the holidays be happy, safe and blessed for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
