Thank you Spartan. I just started reading up on your sitch...not easy stuff but you seem to have a good attitude about it all and I respect that you have taken/are taking some hard looks at your part in things. Sorry you're going through similar!
I think that's it - the hardest thing isn't necessarily the "waiting" - (I use that term kind of loosely because it implies on some level that I'm not living, and I am) - but the not knowing if this is going to take days, weeks, months...you get it, I'm sure.
I know that others have gone through much worse than I am, because I do have him here. He does look at me with love in his eyes, but he won't say the words. I don't think he likes me very much after the way I'm sure I made him feel. But pain is pain right? It's never easy, I just hope it's all worth it. Sometimes I feel like maybe I also make it too easy for him right now. He does still have me at home with him, we aren't in counseling anymore, we still do things together and have fun together - just that we're missing the intimacy. Or should I say I'm missing it right now!
I also sense that he meant what he said about how he wants to see things change, and it's like I've read in DR and here on these boards...that they want to be sure that we're really changing, and not just paying lip service. I do not want to be that person again, regardless. If he sees the change in me and decides to open up the heavenly gates of love once more, great. But even if he doesn't, I don't want to be that person anyway.
