<I get that suggesting you were MLC is harsh. So tell us. Do you really feel that you were not MLC?>
Yes, it was a bit harsh, but I’m a big boy.

< That you realized the two of you were soul mates.>
I didn’t “realize” that then. I had known that since I was a kid. I know there are many opinions on this matter but I do, I do believe in soul mates.

< that she... somehow is to blame for D2>
Did I ever say this? I hope that I didn’t because I don’t for one moment believe it.

< That she was the one that needed to enlighten you>
Did I say this? I don’t think so.

Yes, I was “awoken” if you will. But just because she chose to D does not mean that it was her job to awaken me, it’s just what happened to awake me. Many people never get awoken. And that’s because it is very hard to do thus it usually takes a huge life even to do it. A death in the family, a medical illness, a D…

Escaping…mmm…let me think about that one. Does everything in life really need to be a lie based on something else? Can I do nothing that changes my life without thinking that it is a lie? That I am running away from something? I hope not. Basically, to put it in a nutshell, I think my problem is that I tend to disengage. What I am doing now is trying to re-engage. I have epilepsy and have stayed on the same meds for 20 yrs. I have a weight problem (6 ft tall, 135lbs – I should be 145lb at least) that I have not tried to change in forever. I don’t have a lot of friends – again, the engaging thing. I have been disconnected from family members.
I am now taking new, up to date meds that are helping me so much more. I have gained 14lbs in the last 4 months. I have made 3 new friends, one of them is like a brother to me. And I am much closer to my sister now, we talk about life stuff all the time.
Is there something wrong with these changes? If am running away from something while making these changes – what am I running away from? Again, can nothing I do or change in my life for the “better” really be for the better? Does it all have to be a fake based on a lie?