First of all, I've read through about the last two pages and it sounds like you're going through a pretty rough time. ((())) I know this time of year is especially difficult.
However, one suggestion, and you may be doing some of this already, is start your own traditions with your S&D. Move forward without your H for now. If he decides to jump on board, you can deal with it then. But you're improving the life of your S&D, and frankly your own life and sanity.
The WAS will do anything even remotely possible to justify his actions. I think the 'kids are resilient' statement is in chapter 3 of the WAS Field Manual.
I think you have a lot of the right ideas of what you need to do. it's just hard doing them. Setting boundaries isn't always easy. However, what I am observing in your last post that not setting them is driving you crazy, too. I think you may just need to get over that 'hump' of setting the boundaries.
