TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

Here is an idea..... OR talks.... Maybe you should start to not like them so much....

Ouch, too spot on, LOL .

I've asked myself that.
Maybe I want to, deep down. Maybe that's why I keep ending up in them, b/c I think they will give me some knowledge on her side of this.

Well, I guess I need to get it in my head that it's not healthy and what did I get ? A bunch of hurtful statements.

I can't believe what she SAYS anyway, so there is no point in these unhealthy "discussions".

A suggestion.

When she calls cranky and disrespecting.

Calmly Speak and Enforce a BOUNDARY.

Then hang up the phone. Put it on mute and put it away for a few hours.

If you do not have a boundary in place. Then figure one out. Enforce it.

Actually 2 boundaries.

One for yourself as well when your cranky and disrespectful as well.

I've done quite good on not being cranky or disrespectful ever since BD. Of course this is in the eye of the beholder, but I've done far better than I expected.
I've realized my anger has been extremely counterproductive throughout the years so I've stopped being so reactive to it.

What I haven't been good at, at all, is your second point. Boundaries. I need to sit down this evening and work on that. What it means, what mine are, and HOW I will react if they are crossed.


At one point in our R she said I should seek proffesional help b/c of my upbringing and the way it has affected our R. Nothing traumatic, just something that I know deep down has affected our R badly.
I didn't take her advice very serious, and I never did seek help b/c I NEVER could see myself going to a counselor/phyciatrist.

Well, yesterday I conctacted one to set up an appointment after new years. It was really gut-wrenching. Hopefully it will help me handle future R('s) better.