Changing Directions

[RegretfulLA]

Today we got our Xmas tree and I spent some time decorating it tonight. I put on the holiday tunes and just enjoyed myself decorating the tree. H never helps so that was nothing new.

He wanted to go buy the tree himself but I wanted to go too, which meant dragging the kids along. He started to put up a stink but relented and I told him I appreciated it.

I washed the dishes for him tonight as my "act of goodwill". I wasn't resentful about it - I didn't mind doing it at all.

Decorating the tree reminded me how much I do enjoy the holidays when I'm not buried in stress. Last year, I didn't enjoy the holidays at all because we had just moved and I felt so unsettled, plus H and I were at each other's throats. Tomorrow makes one year since we moved into this house and I'm just starting to feel settled in it. If I can get the junkyard we call a guest room (e.g., my room) cleaned up, I'll really feel good. That's my goal for the next few weeks.