Accuray, thanks for the really thoughtful reply. Wow! I've read it many times. Some parts I say yeah. Other parts I'm saying, Really?
I'm thinking the options aren't as stark as you suggest. I can't see the possibility of a PA or EA. I know, I know - coming from a guy who didn't know he was sleeping with a secret smoker for years, my powers of observation are suspect. But still, I think all of her emotional energies are tied up in the children and her parents. She hasn't got any left for me or anyone else for that matter.
As far as her love tank goes, I can't tell if she even has one (although I assume she must). My withdrawal didn't generate any reaction. Just less arguments and confrontation (which is my comfort zone). She's seems okay with it, if she's even noticed. Kinda the same with the positive things I've tried - can't tell if she likes or even notices them.
She does seem open and is agreeable to improving things, judging from her reaction to my little advances. Like today, I hauled her in for a hug after a brief update on mom, told her I loved her, and made a light-hearted reference to my books telling me I have to try and meet her emotional needs. So I need to know what they are. She sounded agreeable, but no mention of any form of followup or timetable or further interest. Is it that she's got deeper problems with me that she doesn't to bring up at this time of crisis? I don't think so. It's more that she wants as much as possible to stay at the status quo while she deals with her mother.
I think I will at least have that conversation you suggest, and try to at least get an expression of interest in working on things later. And maybe some ideas on what her PLL might be that I can work on in the meantime.
