Pia Mellody is great on boundaries. I have some of her books and a CD set that might as well be "Boundaries for Dummies". She is pretty darned logical, so I think you'd like her, CV.
My summary: There are two general types of boundaries - protective (to keep yourself from being harmed by others) and containment (to keep yourself from harming others).
Another key point that Pia makes is that enforcing boundaries is largely a silent enterprise. It's about respecting ourselves and making choices that take care of us. It's not about trying to get others to behave in ways that are less uncomfortable for us. Her CDs have good examples of how to figure out where to draw your lines and what having boundaries looks like. Also how to tell other people about their impact on us without trying to control them.
