Next Step, Moving On

[dorightman]

It's been awhile! So that weekend she let me stay at the house worked against me. I again was not able to act like a neighbor. We had a R talk and it was the same old BS. I went back to my friends house after the weekend. I'am determined to give her what she wants, a 3 month separation for her to get time and space.

She told me I could hang with my kids the coming Friday night and that she would stay at her mom's house and give me the house. She was going to a movie that night with friends. I don't know why, but as I was driving over to the house, I started crying and by the time I got there I was raw. I saw her dressed up with her night bag and I lost it. It was an emotional breakdown in front of her and the kids. She cancelled her plans and took the kids to her mom's house. Really Bad!

The next day I told her that I was too emotional to coparent and see her, take liberties by staying over at the house etc. I told her I need a true break, no seeing her until I heal. She agreed, but said that she wold have to get someone to take care of the puppy while she worked. After she researched, it turned out that it was more money then we could afford, so I told her I would keep coming to the house while she worked, but that I would time it so that we didn't see each other. She agreed, but said that I must make it to our sons birthday and our daughters music recital and that I have to call the kids at night to say goodnight. I agreed.

Yesterday was sons birthday. I cooked dinner for the family plus inlaws.
W came home, she was nervous, but I kept it together and she calmed down. MIL was distant. I was determined to make it all about my son. Its his day, the dinner was for him, and I was happy everyone could be there for him. I'am also aware that I cannot breakdown anymore in front of W or kids. I told W that if I feel emotional again , I will text her and cancel plans with family. She agreed.
Dinner went well, after we went to Daughters school concert. W asked me to stay away from house Friday because she was off of work. I agreed but said i have to go home to get clothes. We went home and I hung with kids. W asked me if I wanted to put kids to bed, I said yes. Put them to bed, then said goodbye with a hug.

I felt bad after I left, but happy today that I was able to provide a great night for the family yesterday and proved that I could be positive. Received a thank you text from w today for last nights dinner.

Im about to leave town for 10 days and I hope that this break will create some kind of forward motion when i get back, but I'm trying not to cling to an outcome so that I'am not let down more. Its hard to balance holding onto hope, but at the same time expecting the worst!