MC last night was a disaster. She continues to rewrite history. Pretty soon she will have obliterated twenty great years of good memories.
What really stung was her saying that she hasn't felt we are "connected" even when we were doing things together that we both loved. I think this is code for her comparing our mature relationship with an affair, which is apples and oranges. In the end, it left me feeling pretty hurt - and I guess it made it obvious that this is still about her affair in her mind even though she isn't talking about that aspect with me. I recognize that it is really, fundamentally, about her and not the affair but it seems like she can't begin to address her own issues until the OM isn't in the picture.
She is apologetic for hurting me but those apologies are starting to ring really hollow. It is like someone beating you with a baseball bat and saying "sorry that this hurts you" after every blow. If you are sorry, then stop emotionally abusing me. I told her that I don't know how much more I can take.
I woke up in the middle of the night and sent her an email (never the best idea) and told her that I didn't know how we could move forward in our marriage until the OM was out of her life. I know ultimatums are supposed to be off the table but I am tired of being a punching bag. I guess its the old standing vs doormat question. It is honestly how I feel - if she is engaging in an affair with someone she works with 8 hours a day and sees me once a week in MC for an hour, then there really isn't enough communication to repair a relationship. It will always come back to an unfair comparison.
I definitely feel like I'm hitting an emotional wall. Maybe this is what it feels like to be done. ____________________________ Me:39 WAW:38, M:9 T:19, No Kids EA:9/24, S:9/24 EA on hold?, MC 9/30-now
