well there has been some progress...W told d(11) maybe we could go on a date some time soon...but I am hearing that from D(11) and it could be misconstrued but we shall see......I was at W's place just for a short time the other day to drop of some clothes but W seemed affectionate but I think she had some wine in her so I will take that with a couple of grains of salt. But I will move back into holding pattern....sometimes I wonder if W has same comitement to family as I do...
not much going on here in my sitch I wish It did not bother me that my IL"s are giving so much money to my W....I feel like I am being pushed out so to speak but I know it is hard....
Well W came over the other night for dinner with the kids and could not stop hugging me...later I took youngest up to school for a program and she stayed with oldest...she told oldest that she really loves me....but I am taking this in stride as I know she has been prone to swings both ways...
Certainly you've been seeing some great signs lately, but you are doing exactly what you need to do. Maintain the distance and let her close the gap. Good job!! There's no harm in celebrating those baby steps internally though
yes I feel like i am back to square one again...I went over to W place because D foot was hurting and needed her cast again...W was very distant again to me...sigh...I guess this is the roller coaster and no one is immune to it. I have been seeing a lot of W lately mainly because of the kids and the holidays she needed me to watch them some because of work she is actually having to work a few more hours than her normal 10 and it is killing her...I am wondering if I should go dark for a couple of days..I just wish I had been a lot more upbeat with our last interaction...so that is what she would remember..
Well W told me that after Christmas that she wants to have a talk with me...I don't know what she is going to say...or how it is going to end but I think I am getting to a conclusion...
well talked to W last night and it was emotional...she is upset and I think she wants to tell me she wants a D but does not know how to do it..but I don't know yet...She told me that her friend that who comes over and has helped her feel confident and given her emotional support is giving up on her and very mad at her...when he left he looked at D6 and told her tell your mother to talk to you and stormed out. I hate the scars that this is creating on my kids. I know this is hard on them--- everyone is just saying just get D so you and your kids can move on...this is not fair to them or you and she is just stringing you along....you can't move on with you life until you get closure.. I really wish I could move back to be closer to family....which is halfway across the country...I feel so stuck here with no family...but maybe that is a blessing in disguise..family can add their own stresses
oh also W said she wants to talk more-- and that we need to move on --we both need to move on..this is so hard...I feel that I have the craziest S and the I come here and see that I am not the only one...My fear is that I am holding on too much to her coming back...
and one more thing...just journaling here but W said something really strange tonight and I know that she is on her P right now so I try to give her space and just listen but she told me that "money is the root of all evil" "when I was working in conn painting houses a guy from New York came by and signed me to a modeling contract making 120,000 a month and that did not make me happy..." I just said hmm... and quickly changed the subject as I know this to be false...yes, she has had some modeling jobs but this is just not true...I guess it goes to the believe half of what you hear.
oh boy tough day... I sometimes wonder if we have paired up with someone who has a genetic defect that does not allow them to stay with one person in a marriage...some people work so hard at it and others just act like they can take it or leave it.
