OMG Clay, I was a little afraid of reading your post but I am so happy for you I could almost cry.
But I'm sitting here with a big smile on my face.
You have your whole life in front of you and it will be so good.
Woo HOO!!!!
And don't forget to bask in the glow of your accomplishments for a while. -got sober -created a better R with your kids -didn't become the victim when your W lost her sh!t -kept your job -went back to school -got better than you expected from your D because you took the bull by the horns and didn't let anyone tell you you couldn't do it.
I am so happy for you and your kids.
There's some lucky woman out there...
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
you always make me smile. glad i could return the favor. i think stuff turned out good considering. im happy. it feels like a weight has been lifted. i know i have to deal with her for the rest of my life and i am good with that. she doesnt control me anymore. in time, i hope she comes around and works on herself. i worry about her. she is not the woman for me and i am ok with that. i get equal time with my kids and i couldnt be happier. i never wanted to take them away from their mother. i hope she appreciates that.
i am proud of myself. usually i am really hard on myself and think im not good enough. that is changing. im walking around today grinning. i know that i put in the work to become better. it was very hard but soooo worth it. i am not done, i am on the righ path though. im proudd of myself for taking the high road. i could have joined in the mud slinging but i didnt. i have no hate for my ex in my heart. i have forgiveness, and what a wonderful feeling that is.
and i know there is a woman out there for me..one to compliment me, not complete me. i am complete. i have had a few women ask me out. i have went on a few dates but did not pursue it. it didnt feel right as i was still married. there was one girl who i was very interested in. she has 2 kids from a previous R. she plays hockey, is short like me, and enjoys doing outdoor things. very very pretty. i was upfront and honest with her about what was going on. with everything. she stopped talking to me. who can blame her, i had alot of drama goin on. on monday out of the blue, she msg me on fb. asked how i was. i didnt pursue her at all and gave her space. thank you db for teaching me the value of space. i told her i was good and that my D would be final on wednesday. i asked her why she stopped talking to me and she told me what i expected to hear. i told her it was cool, and i completely understand. she told me she was working stuff out with herself and we chatted a bit about stuff and i left it at that. tuesday morning she asked me to go to lunch and i did. it was fun. wednesday she wished me luck, then txt me a bunch that night. i had lunch again today with her. she gave me a hug and told me thanks for coming. i left and she txt me, "god i'm dumb." i asked why. she said for judging you before really knowing you. i told her not to worry, im in no hurry to date anyone. i would like it if we could be friends nd do stuff. just see where it goes. she liked that. she is kind of shy, which i like. so anyway, who knows? there maybe something there, maybe not. im gonna see what happens. im gonna use what i learned from my guru girl brit, and go into this with no expectations. be me, and allow her to be her.
life is to short to be sad all the time. i have learned so much about myself this year. it has been scary, but so worth it. im still a little sad about the D, but thats life. i am no longer living in fear. i am ready for what life has to throw at me. i am a phoenix. i have learned from this and will never forget. i found a strength i wasnt sure was there. watch out world...here i come!
Good for u buddy. It will come in waves. But consider a cat first. Have all the nookie you want but get home to a cat or something similar at 1st. Not sure what kind of domesticated animals they keep in your neck of the woods. Lol
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I'm very glad to hear that things went so well for you. Nice to know there is a justice system that is not totally unbalanced. That is how it is supposed to be. Unfortunately, in too many cases - the one with the expensive lawyer is the one who gets the most.
rick- lol..a cat huh? im severely allergic. and i cant stand them. i'm good. i have no expectations and i know what i am looking for. i will not settle for less. i have learned alot about who i am and what i deserve. i settled once for far less than i deserved. i didn't live trying to be the best man i could be once too. not going to happen again. oh, and i already have an 11 year old pitbull. she's my partner. lol
sd- thanks. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted. i will still have down days in the future. i know i will, and i know i will be ready to deal with them at that time.
barb- haha.. i kicked a lawyers @$$!! im joking. i had a smart, compassionate, and fair judge. X didn't help her self much though. i feel like it was pretty fair all around. she thought she could have her cake and eat it too. this time it didn't happen. she is not happy with me. have recieved some mean txts.
soooooo... that girl i went out with a few times, she wanted to talk about "us"..scary. invited me over for xmas dinner today with her family. i declined. not feeling like doing anything today. this is the first xmas where im not with my kids. i miss them so much right now. they called me at 6 am wanting to come to my house to open my presents.. lol made me smile. i get them back tomorrow night so i am excited.
the girl that asked me over is mad at me. i dont really get it and i feel bad. i think she is way more looking for a serious R than i am. i want to take things very slow, hang out and see if we really get along. another thing (and i know this sounds bad) is.. her kids drive me nuts. they do not listen. they whine all the time. i normally really like kids, but for some reason, these ones drive me nuts. things i am thinking about today i guess..
rick- couldnt agree more. i thought i made all that very clear right out of the gate. guess not. so who knows? i want to see what happens, but at the same time, im in full on flight mode. i really dont think it can develop much because of the kid thing. if she didnt like my kids, i wouldnt date her. i dont like hers, so i think i shouldnt date her. im not tryin to sound like a jerk, thats just how it is. it looks like im going to end up the bad guy, and im ok with that.
okay..so i've been wondering about this whole dating thing. i believe that i am fully ready to casually date. that is it. i do not want any kind of commitment at this time. with that being said... heres what i have been wondering.
thru this process i have learned alot about myself. i have learned alot about other kinds of people and psychologies. i now know what to look for in myself and others. i almost feel like a personality snob..lol i am so compassionate and really enjoy people but, i go on these dates and it feels like i am in the looney bin or should be taking a trip there. i mean i have my shortcoming, but wow...
so because of all this, i know what i want in a partner and know i deserve it. i know i will also reciprocate these traits 100%. i really try to keep an open mind, but i am cautious to not blur something over to make it not so bad. like with the girl with the kids that i dont like. i could pretend that eventually i will enjoy them. i caught myself doing that. i asked myself if i could honestly believe that. the answer is no. so im not really talking to her much anymore. i do have this nagging fear that i am going to try to find something wrong with anyone i may date though. i know i have alot of baggage that comes with me. i have mine neatly put away, not thrown all over the lobby so to speak..lol
i know none of this makes much sense. thats why i wrote it though. so i could get it out of my head, and free up some space.
