MLC, affair, internet pictures, we're a mess

[cantslowdown]

feeling better today. Not that the situation has changed, but I guess for the time being I should be happy that we can still "get along" most of the time as long as we don't approach the big question about us. I mean, even though she says she wants a divorce, she hasn't filed, hasn't hired a L, hasn't moved out, and is going on family Christmas vacation to see both sides of our family. I still think MLC because it seems like even though she says she wants out, she doesn't know what she wants to jump to and how to get there wherever there may be. She can't seem to make life decisions at all. She just spews when she is angry which I no longer stand for (I don't want to get dragged into a fight where she can push my buttons). The good news is that since I have been locking down my anger (I can sense the physical reaction before the yelling reaction now and that is great for me), she can't get all wound up, so we haven't gotten stuck in a yelling argument (which has only happened a few times ever, the last being at the first MC appointment) and it makes me feel so much more at ease knowing I can control that in myself and it seems to calm her as well.