Finally approaching the starting line!

[eyesopen]

I think I am starting to see the path a little clearer. There have been some great posts lately, a lot on Crimson's thread.

Like many on this board, I have been working on "letting my w go" for some time. It has become clear to me that as I do this I also need to show her that a brighter furture with me is possible. Since the beginning I have tried to stay on the high road, as I believe it is the only road that leads anywhere. So if we as LBS's can consistently make deposits in the emotion bank, while barely holding on to our own sanity, pretty soon it becomes second nature. It will take time, but after awhile hopefully our spouses will see that it is not just a ploy, but rather who we have become. The trust may start to return. It is difficult though. I know personally I felt like I was sucking up. And as Sandi told me, at the time my wife was not looking for a dog to lick her a@#. It stung to hear that, but I now see how much truth there was in her telling me that. Once I enough of my self-confidencereturned, I was able to back off, but still make the most of the oppurtunities to make those deposits. When we are feeling empty and hurt those things come off as sucking up. When our strength returns those same compliments take on a whole new tone.

In the last few weeks I have felt a decline in the tension between my w and I, and I continue to make deposits. Hopefully when I am ready to "drop the rope" enough deposits will have been made that she might believe a better future is possible. So rather than going dark right away, when I do drop the rope, she will have a chance to miss what has been going on since BD. Rather than miss the old me, the one that she wanted to get away from.

For those of us with children, there really isn't a way to go completely dark. Our way of going dark is when we truly let them go. When we "drop the rope." When our expectations are gone, and when we are not worried about every little detail of our interactions. And we leave them with a different view of who they left.

I hope that made sense. It is plain as day in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.