My wife took a job in Colorado and during the training time I decided to keep my job here in Washington for the end of the year bonus money, which we could use. This was back in April, 2012. We saw each other about 4 times during this period and each time we ended up fighting about something little. Finally she called me and told me that she was no longer sexually interested in me (I'm a fat guy, was at 425lbs. as of October 1st.) and that she was looking at other men and one guy even made an advance towards her which she told him that she was married. I think this was a ploy to get me to start taking better care of myself like when we were dating, instead of taking the clue I blew up. Called her a cheater, wrote on Facebook to all of our friends what she was doing, all kinds of stupid stuff. I admit, that was DUMB. She called me back a few days later and was angry about me telling everyone about our problems, rightfully so and we start talking some more and she tells me that she is done. She loves me but not in the marriage kind of way. She is tired of watching my health deteriorate because I'm lazy (I'm only 31), she is tired of being behind on bills and living paycheck to paycheck. This happened around the middle to end of October. Middle of November I flew out to spend a weekend with her and there wasn't much coming from her. Even though I started going back to the gym, eating much better, and working on getting us caught up in the finances.
So we decided at that point to do couples long distance therapy, and I started reading The Love Dare and a couple of other self help books. During this time, she has gone on at least one nature hike with her boss (a guy) and I caught e-mails between her and him talking about what an amazing day she had with him and pictures of food for two cooking on a campfire (even though she swears it was a group of them, there were no pictures of other people, just her which she was sending to him). I also found out that she had, at the time, a Match.com account and was advertising that she was going through a divorce even though she told me she wanted to work on it. I confronted her about those things and she apologized about them but said nothing was going on between her and her boss. Finally, because I didn't feel I could trust her anymore I tracked her cell phone and she found out. Now, I know that was dumb and there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me to NOT do it but I wanted to know where she was going. It lasted for about 24 hours but that was all it took. I was trying to desperately hold on to any shred of our marriage that was left. In the end I was just pushing her away. This past December 8th, she asked for a separation, said she wanted to be free from me, the finances, everything. She felt smothered and being tracked, etc wasn't helping the situation.
So I found this website, found out that everything I was doing was wrong. So now I am focused on getting out and getting a life. I'm not waiting for her to call me anymore, I'm exercising more and focusing more on my job. I do have my tough times when I have a little downtime but I still want to be committed to this marriage. I know I am not perfect, and I know I made mistakes, but I also love my wife even after all of the things she has done to me.
I don't have much money, I did order the Divorce Remedy, but I am also coming here for any additional help or ideas.
She was always controlled by her parents even in college they controlled her money and then we got married shortly after and combined our finances then. She then went into the Army and they controlled her. We were planning on having children and she hit me with the "I don't want to have children" talk right before this all started. Which is fine, children were the last things on my mind even then. After having a good conversation with my dad he told me that my uncle did the same thing to his two spouses (he's divorced once, and now separated) where he didn't want to be responsible for anyone else except himself.
We have one more counseling session on the 28th and then she is flying to see my Jan 10th for a week. She says she is excited to see me, to see if there is anything she can cling onto that will give her hope we can fix our marriage. I think we really can, I know I am a different man. I know what her priorities are right now and I know what she finds important in me but I don't know if 7 days is going to be enough to show her that.
