"If I have been unwilling to see his side, unwilling to compromise or listen in the past, unwilling to face my own shortcomings and now I am. How is that wrong? H's view that he expressed was that I acted like I never needed him and he didn't matter. Isn't ignoring him more of the same behavior."
Sometimes. The question I would ask back is if this were really true? Did you not need him or care about his feelings? Based on you posting here I would go out on a limb and say .. No.
His perception is what you are addressing now. Just because he thought that is what it was means it is right?
Communicating is hard. Well clearly communicating..
Right now.. beyond the kids and whatever financial obligations you have with him should be the topics to discuss.
I might point out that he is with another woman but is asking you to coffee. For question and answer time. Why now?
By all means if you think this in ground breaking stuff and your little voice is telling you to run with it.. then please do. Again.. based on your posting I don't think that is the case. I feel 100% confident that if I was leading you astray.. someone would be saying so.
IMO.. things are too fresh for you to be able to communicate clearly with each other. One wrong word.. One funny gesture.. a crossed eye.. things could go bad. Think an open wound. When you get one.. so you keep looking at it and poking it to make sure it still hurts? Or do you cover it up and protect it to let it heal for a few days?
Your mind.. and where it can take you in this mess is your worst enemy. Don't worry too much about what may or may not happen in the next week. Cause I am going to tell you that there is really not much you can do right now that will make it better or worse.
You are doing fine..
Keep it up!!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
