New to the forum, WAH 10/3/12

[notsurewhat2do]

Okay, H initated contact again today. I did initate on 12/11 asking if he would get our dogs shaving for their bed, he responded yes and I said Thank You... 3 text message convo. Today, he contacted me telling me he left me a check to cover 1/2 of DD's winter formal expenses. And asked where the bank papers where that he wanted me to sign (I didn't sign, just told him what was the rush, just change the address for the statements). I told him where I thought they were, then asked if he was still at the house. He said no, why? I said just wondering if you would left house dog out. He didn't answer. Then I asked if he wanted to go in together and get DD a "big" Christmas present or just do individuals. He said no.

Here is what confuses me.... why contact me to tell me he left me a check? I'd see it when I get home. What does is have to contact me every 3 to 4 days? It is starting to unnerve me that he comes and goes so freely in our home, but this is the advice I was given last night:

I went to a Divorce Care support group called Surviving the Holidays. (Good tips on things to do to help you through the holidays). The leaders where a married couple who had each been married previously and divorced 10 years and then married each other. The have been leading the groups for 15 years. So lots of experience and been there done that advice. I had never met them before. They were really nice, friendly. At the end of the session, the husband leader looks at me and says "XXXX I just want to say, I've known you all of 2 hours, I've listened to a little of your story and I've been leading these for a long time. My gut instinct tells me that your H is in MLC and drepression and he's going to wake up and want to come home." I started crying. I've heard that at least 3 times now. His wife agreed and said he'll figure out you are his rock and he loves you. H still has stuff at my house, a room of his clothes, etc. And hunting stuff that he hasn't moved yet (guns and turkey stuff). The leader wife suggested I set boundaries for H since he comes and goes as he wants. Even if it's just telling him to let me know when he's coming over. Then she said she'd set a time frame for H to have all his stuff out. Leader husband disagreed. He said from a man's perspective, he thinks H would feel like the door is completely shut if I made him get all his stuff out. I said I agree, that's why I haven't really pushed him. I've said it in anger, but I'm over it now and glad I haven't pushed. It's a double edge sword. I'm not ready to push, just like I'm not ready to sign the bank papers. I wouldn't have pushed him signing the house if I wasn't worried about OW talking him into something else. I wouldn't even had paper drawn up yet if it wasn't for him agreeing to let me have 1)more in child support than state required and 2)him giving me bascially everything.

I need to journal, but don't have time today. Maybe tomorrow???