Trying not to lose my way in the ultramarathon

[NTX_Dad]

It was good to hear from you but it's already been nine days since you admitted you owed us an update.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you and that you and your son have a great holiday season.

[jbnati]

I'm putting aside my work schedule to give y'all an update. It looks like a have a developing situation on my hands, and I'll save that for the next post.

Over the last month or so, I've still been GAL'ing strong of course. I been able to do several cycling group rides. It's getting pretty cold here, but we've still been able to squeeze in a few rides. Still a very big part of all my church groups. In fact, I am planning hosting my Men's group tonight at my house and I've spearheaded a impromptu Bengals party afterward. I've started coaching my S's basketball team. This weekend I make my debut leading the fifth and sixth graders in the group discussion at church during their service. The GAL'ing has been going pretty well.

I even suffered my first illness in 23 months after Thanksgiving. It was just a mild cold, so it turned out to be no big deal, it just hampered the GAL'ing for about a week.

On the D front, I have been going back and forth with my L over the last month or so, going over the particulars of the agreement. Once we received all the paystub information, the feedback I got from my L is they were being very reasonable about things. However, admittedly, I have kind of drug my feet a bit. I've been moving the ball forward, but at a slow pace. My L will email me some responses. I'll wait a few days and respond with a long list of questions.

This Monday, I found out from my L I had run out the string. I had exceeded the allotted hours for a flat fee dissolution. My L was going to send me a statement for my review. It sux, but I have to deal with it, right?

During this time, about a week and half ago, I had one of the most "interesting" interactions I've had with W in a long, long time. She dropped off my S on a Sunday night. She came to the door with my S. She said my S wanted to show her the Christmas tree. I told her it was fine, as long as she could overlook the laundry I was folding. When she came in, she said a mutual friend of ours had said there were several good pictures of our S on my FB page, but she couldn't find them. I guess she didn't understand that she couldn't see them because she unfriended me last year. I just kept silent about it. Then, she notices the Bengals game is on TV. She asked if she could stay and watch it. The three of us sat on the couch and watched the last 4 minutes of the Bengals game together. Then, she started asking about dinner, and ultimately invited herself to come along for going out to dinner with us.

I was also starting to see some changes in her. Particularly that she was turning back to her faith. Dangit! I thought I was just about DONE. And then this. This was making her more attractive to me.

[jbnati]

OK. now here's the part I think warranted a separate post.

Remember how I said I was feeling DONE, but then again I wasn't becoming a little more unsure of it?

Here's our text exchange from yesterday:

W: Hey...i just talked to my atty and he said they r waiting for ur atty to respond...said its been a month. Do u know anything or any reason this is being delayed?
JB: Actually my atty and I have been emailing over the last couple of weeks, so we're working through it as we speak. Should see something soon.
W: Is there something going on that we need to talk about...i dont understand
JB: Do you mean with the agreement, emotionally, or either/or? I can give you a call on the way home if you like.
W: Call me please on ur way home.

So I called her on my way home.

I explained I was moving the process forward, although I've been very busy at work. However, I am moving forward, unless you throw up a big red stop sign. She asked me if I'd seen that stop sign. I turned it around to that it sounds like I should be asking her that question.

SO here comes the bomb.

The conversation then turned to how God's really been working on her lately. She's feeling like maybe she's hearing we should get back together, but she's really confused about it. She said she was a total mess. I just let her talk and I listened. She said she's never thought that way during this whole journey and it's very confusing to her.

At one point, she asked if I would even consider reconciliation. I told her I would be open to giving it a shot, if she's willing to put some work into it.

We both agreed it be a slow process and we should start by perhaps just getting together a couple of times as a family and doing something light and fun. We should get together and talk a couple more times soon. We want to discuss if reconciliation is even possible. If nothing else, we've agreed that having this conversation would at the very least give us some closure and some peace with the whole situation. If we were to reconcile, we mutually agreed it would be more like starting over and rebuilding instead of patching up what we had before.

The way we left was both of us are going to contact our Ls and we are going to say we're putting the D on hold until the beginning of the new year. At that point, we'll re-evaluate and see what we want to do.

[bustingout]

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Am so happy for you.


(((((((( ))))))))

[Rick1963]

woa good for you. scare I imagine JB. But good news none the less. Time for you to hit the piecing threads. I have read that it is a very difficult process but I'm praying for you and your family budd. Learn as much as possible. I hope 25 will chime in and give you some info on retroaville especially if W has gone back to her faith. Keep us posted

[NTX_Dad]

Wow jb - that's incredible. I am very happy for you and your family.

It sounds very similar to my sitch. I was DONE and wanted to wrap up the D.

It's almost like God wants us to hit rock bottom before letting up put the pieces back together.

Congrats and happy holidays my friend. Keep on keepin' on!

[jbnati]

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Am so happy for you.


(((((((( ))))))))

Thanks, busting!

I think things are potentially turning in the right direction, but we're far from out of the woods. This is first time I even heard the hint of the word reconciliation in the 22 months of my sitch.

[jbnati]

woa good for you. scare I imagine JB. But good news none the less. Time for you to hit the piecing threads. I have read that it is a very difficult process but I'm praying for you and your family budd. Learn as much as possible. I hope 25 will chime in and give you some info on retroaville especially if W has gone back to her faith. Keep us posted

Thanks Rick!

Yes, it is very scary. I didn't sleep well last night. I was a little more anxious than I've been today in awhile.

Nope - not time to hit the piecing thread yet. Not ready. I think our ensuing discussions will determine on whether I head for the piecing thread or something like Surviving the big D thread. The good news that my W would even consider it an option. I think we need to talk through it, quite frankly, to see if it's even a viable option for me.

I appreciate the prayers, buddy.

I think Retrouvaille would be a good thing if I could get my W's buy-in and if we reach that point. I'm open to it.

[jbnati]

Wow jb - that's incredible. I am very happy for you and your family.

It sounds very similar to my sitch. I was DONE and wanted to wrap up the D.

It's almost like God wants us to hit rock bottom before letting up put the pieces back together.

Congrats and happy holidays my friend. Keep on keepin' on!

Thanks NTX!

I think sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we're receptive to what God has to say.

TBH I was asking God if there was any reason I shouldn't be DONE, and I kept getting the answer to stay the course.

Happy holidays to you as well, my friend.

[bustingout]

I wish you and your family all of the best.

Happy holidays :-)