you always make me smile. glad i could return the favor. i think stuff turned out good considering. im happy. it feels like a weight has been lifted. i know i have to deal with her for the rest of my life and i am good with that. she doesnt control me anymore. in time, i hope she comes around and works on herself. i worry about her. she is not the woman for me and i am ok with that. i get equal time with my kids and i couldnt be happier. i never wanted to take them away from their mother. i hope she appreciates that.
i am proud of myself. usually i am really hard on myself and think im not good enough. that is changing. im walking around today grinning. i know that i put in the work to become better. it was very hard but soooo worth it. i am not done, i am on the righ path though. im proudd of myself for taking the high road. i could have joined in the mud slinging but i didnt. i have no hate for my ex in my heart. i have forgiveness, and what a wonderful feeling that is.
and i know there is a woman out there for me..one to compliment me, not complete me. i am complete. i have had a few women ask me out. i have went on a few dates but did not pursue it. it didnt feel right as i was still married. there was one girl who i was very interested in. she has 2 kids from a previous R. she plays hockey, is short like me, and enjoys doing outdoor things. very very pretty. i was upfront and honest with her about what was going on. with everything. she stopped talking to me. who can blame her, i had alot of drama goin on. on monday out of the blue, she msg me on fb. asked how i was. i didnt pursue her at all and gave her space. thank you db for teaching me the value of space. i told her i was good and that my D would be final on wednesday. i asked her why she stopped talking to me and she told me what i expected to hear. i told her it was cool, and i completely understand. she told me she was working stuff out with herself and we chatted a bit about stuff and i left it at that. tuesday morning she asked me to go to lunch and i did. it was fun. wednesday she wished me luck, then txt me a bunch that night. i had lunch again today with her. she gave me a hug and told me thanks for coming. i left and she txt me, "god i'm dumb." i asked why. she said for judging you before really knowing you. i told her not to worry, im in no hurry to date anyone. i would like it if we could be friends nd do stuff. just see where it goes. she liked that. she is kind of shy, which i like. so anyway, who knows? there maybe something there, maybe not. im gonna see what happens. im gonna use what i learned from my guru girl brit, and go into this with no expectations. be me, and allow her to be her.
life is to short to be sad all the time. i have learned so much about myself this year. it has been scary, but so worth it. im still a little sad about the D, but thats life. i am no longer living in fear. i am ready for what life has to throw at me. i am a phoenix. i have learned from this and will never forget. i found a strength i wasnt sure was there. watch out world...here i come!
