New Here - The Practicalities of Being A Friend

[job]

Portia,
Yes, I'm going to say it again...let him go. He's using you whenever he needs someone to listen to his woes and validate his issues. He's not sharing this stuff w/the ow because he only wants her to know certain things about his life.

Your life is in a holding pattern? Why? Because you are allowing this to happen. You are a young woman who has everything to offer the world and you shouldn't be putting your life in a holding pattern. You could very well be waiting for this man for the next 3,6, 9 years or longer. Don't sell yourself short. It's okay to chat once in a while, but you need to continue moving forward. As long as the ow is in the picture, he's going to remain w/her and loyal to her.

I don't see his communicating w/you as baby steps, but more like a toddler trying to walk and yet won't let go of mom's finger. You are a security blanket and one that he feels safe talking to you about his life and whatever is going on. Until you cut the ties, he's not going to hit bottom and come to realize that you are not there for him. As long as you continue down the path you are traveling, he will always feel safe and never waiver from his own path to grow up and learn about life. You are exactly where he left you and until you start moving in a new direction, he will not change. Why would he? He's got the best of both worlds...two women that want him. He's loving the attention that you both give him...fuel for his ego.

Drop the rope and allow him to either learn to sink or swim. It's time he realized what a great person you are and if you are not there for him...just what he's bound to lose. Time to stop feeding the emotional/ego fix he receives from contacting you.

Portia, time to live your life to the fullest. Don't put your life or this situation on hold...life doesn't sit still and you just never know what is around the corner in the way of pleasant surprises.