I feel so bad that she is having a hard time that all i want to do is just help her. I feel like crying for her. I know how she gets around the holidays. Now should I still put the money in the joint account..
One thing about the text is she did not yell at me like she would have a few months ago. I guess that is good. But i know deep down she is upset that she had to pay the car payment. I have been trying to do things that will bring us together and not cause more bad thoughts about me. So by doing giving her the late notice i caused more negitive feelings and that is the part i hate. is this ok for me to feel this way?
should i still put money in account or will she feel as if im doing it cause i feel sorry for her. thus causeing more bad feelings
Also should I continue to tell her I love her in my texts i send. I just put LU XO at the end of my texts to her. she has been reseptive to them in the past but not today..
LF, you say you feel bad for her, but don't you feel bad for you? For what she's been putting you through? Eventually she has to understand that there are consequences for her decision to leave, not return, and barely talk to you. Footing her bill hasn't brought you guys closer yet, has it? Other than she didn't yell at you the last few times you texted.
If you ever want to end this limbo, eventually you'll have to tell her that while you love her, you don't intend to continue on with the present set-up. When to do this is up to you, and only you will know when the time is right. Don't do it before the holidays though, whatever you do.
My thoughts: Give her the X-mas gift. It will make you happy, and allow her a more comfortable holiday. Then, unless you're ok with being in the same place you are now next x-mas, start working on your ultimatum for the new year. Once you deliver this, you cut her off. No more $$$ for a wife who refuses to be your wife. This may cause her to wake up, or she may not care, but at least you'll know where you guys stand.
As for the ILY's, do what ever makes you happiest. At this point it's not pushing her away any farther than she already is, and deleting it from your text isn't going to make her come running home.
Best Wishes for a happy new year!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Good point on the making me feel bad. I did not look at it that way. Hmmm very good point!!!
I feel the same way with the ILY's. I mean does it make things worse or better. I have no idea. but Im going to do what i feel when it comes to the texting. I dont think it makes a diff at this point. Who knows. She does not say talk text anything anyway...
Also the money thing i will do to make things a little better i hope for her and well for me. But i was just talking to a friend of mine about something has to give. I cant keep living like this. But i will not do anything til after the holidays are over. I'm sure something is going to happen. The one thing i will not do is file for the D if that is what she wants. It is just a personal thing and just cant do it. this may change but at this point no way.. I Love this lady but can not keep living this way. Only God knows how long it will be..
Thanks for your support and the best to you as well....
Also should I continue to tell her I love her in my texts i send. I just put LU XO at the end of my texts to her. she has been reseptive to them in the past but not today..
Originally Posted By: someguy
n my opinion, I'd also stop the ILY texts. You don't know how she's receiving them. She could appreciate it, or she could be thinking to herself, "ugghhh.. Now how am I supposed to respond to this!" It could be pushing her away. I wouldn't send these texts unless you know without a doubt that they are received positively.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
[quote=someguy]n my opinion, I'd also stop the ILY texts. You don't know how she's receiving them. She could appreciate it, or she could be thinking to herself, "ugghhh.. Now how am I supposed to respond to this!" It could be pushing her away. I wouldn't send these texts unless you know without a doubt that they are received positively.
Yes, that is the standard advice for LBS and usually the best course of action, but every sitch is different. I honestly believe that in LF's present position it makes no difference to his W if he adds this to a text or not. It does to him though.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY you are correct i think my DB couch also said in this case she felt it was ok to send that ILY texts. She did say the standard is to not do it but for me it seems to be ok...
well after looking at the news with the school shooting i felt like texting my WAW. so I did.
All I said was this. "Just saying Hi and Hope u r good. xo"
well her reply was "Fine. TX"
You think she is upset or something. I know she is at work. And I am sure she is stressed out that she had to pay the carpayment and used the money she had for xmass or did not have for xmass.
How ever I still have not put the money in the joint account yet but will. Then I will text her and tell her
I know xmass is here so I put some money in our account feel free to use it >>>
just cant wait to see how she will reply to that...
OK everyone here i go. I'm sitting here doing my job and all i can think about is how much i hate my life i hate what my WAW has done to me it just seems that i hate everything and anything today. do you guys get the same way?? is this normal??
Yesterday i was a little down but talked to my sister and she helped me. we talked in texting and like a ass gues what i did..
I sent a text that said : "I hate my life today i should have gon in to office" Well I ment to send to my sis but sent it to my WAW in error. Im not even sure how that happen. But it did. I sent a 2nd text saying im sorry that was ment for my sis.
Well she did reply and said i am realy sorry your having a bad day.... I did not reply to it..
OK maybe i feel this way today as it is getting close to the holidays. I so much want to spoil my WAW like i always did..
I am just feeling very very very down today Sometime i feel like just ending it all but i know better. this is just how i feel today and i know it will pass.
I can say that my weekend was very good I spent lots of time with my WAW brother and her Good friend watching football. my WAW Bro stop by the house on sat just to say hi. my WAW entire family loves me and they dont get my WAW... I just wish i could find out the real reasons why she did what she did.
I am even talking to WAW dauther. im helping her out with a few things to make it easier for her to get this job she wants..
does everyone feel like this from time to time? is in normal. im sure it is just from the holidays... but i so much want to talk to my WAW
I am just feeling very very very down today Sometime i feel like just ending it all but i know better. this is just how i feel today and i know it will pass.
Please find someone ASAP to talk to and express how you are feeling right now. Call the doctor or mental health.....a close friend, your sister.....but somebody.
Please don't stay there in the frame of mind you're in. You are saying that you're in a crises and you need help today. Don't be ashamed to ask somebody.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am just feeling very very very down today Sometime i feel like just ending it all but i know better. this is just how i feel today and i know it will pass.
Please find someone ASAP to talk to and express how you are feeling right now. Call the doctor or mental health.....a close friend, your sister.....but somebody.
Please don't stay there in the frame of mind you're in. You are saying that you're in a crises and you need help today. Don't be ashamed to ask somebody.
Thank you i did just that i reached out to a good friend and i feel much better. Not 100% but i will get there
I hate this roller coaster ride. I wake up and I feel like crap. Im pushing myself to keep going but it is not easy as i'm sure everyone knows. I am asking God to take all this negitive crap away from me. But i still feel bad. So im here dumping it out here.
Last night i was at the store and saw my step son. he stopped and said Hi. He had just got out of court. He has 3yr probation and a large fine. Unlike his sister his dad will help him. But it just brings up so much. I love that kid and hope one day he gets it..
So maybe seeing him is making me feel this way today. I dont know. I just know that if im being honset with myself as i always try to be. I miss those kids. I miss having my wife around. I miss spoiling her like i always did. I pray every day that God will see it in his heart to give us a 2nd chance. I know all things are possable threw him. God hates divorce as well. so i keep hoping. Just sometimes it brings me down. like now. it could be I'm getting closer to the holidays i dont know. I just want to talk to my wife hug my wife. but just still seems like she is so cold to me and well most everyone......
