This plane has landed, baby!

[angel61]

Full circle? Not really. I dont think we have come back to where we were before, and maybe we never will.

Today (happens every now and then) I'm somewhat in a funk. I think 2 years of living on the edge was really quite an adrenaline ride, especially emotionally, and right now I feel a little devoid of emotions.

Last Monday, I went to work in southern CA, and my H had to do a course in San Diego. So on Tuesday evening, I drove down from my office and met up with him. We had some alone time in the hotel, which was great, but one thing I notice is that my desire to ML lately has not been as much as when we were having problems! Has anyone experienced this too?

Anyway, being in SD also reminded me of bad times, especially since OW stayed there for a year. Everywhere we went, I would always think .... did he take her here? Does this place hold memories for them? Same when we were in Chicago. So many unanswered questions. Yet I dare not bring it up yet with H. I have this instinctive sense that the wounds are still too raw, and that bringing it up would only hurt us.

Sigh. I guess life will never be the same. Once in a while I still get that feeling of wishing that I just quit, walked away....but again, I know that would have been the selfish thing to do.

I just look at D and see how happy she has become again and I am thankful we fought for the M. Both H and I...it took an awful lot of willpower not to walk away, come to think of it.

See...thats why its great to post. I can go back and work now after giving my sitch some thought and coming back to thankfulness and not b..ching about my own feelings, or lack of them.