My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

KLB thanks again for your wisdom. how did you gain so much wisdom in just a few short months?

So the chaos in her mind is definite? Because that would be a relief for me, and would also support my feeling that we still have a chance. We are very close in our friendship and we rarely ever fought about anything. We literally just had an intimacy and affection issue.

i had tried several times in the last couple of months to alert her to what is going on in my head. I felt that she had started to not respect me or hold me as highly as she used to, and I felt a large part of that was that I was not as successful anymore. I asked her to try to be more supportive of me. I also told her that for me to get into the mood for intimacy, with all the stresses and worries in my head, we need to cuddle and kiss etc.. for a while before we start. But she always wanted me to be ready to go whenever she was, and thought that every man is ready to go whenever. I began to doubt myself, and my manlyness, except now that I have done some research, it seems this is more common than I thought.

because we did not feel as close to each other in a sexual way, it was hard to get excited. At the same time, i think her hormones changed drastically once we had our daughter, and then shortly after she turned 30. She began to need to have sex much more often than any other time in relationship. At the same time, I am needing it less and less, and need more assurance that she still has faith in me to turn things around financially. I wasn't providing her with the affection she needed, and she was not reassuring me that it was OK that we were going through a rough patch and that it didn't matter to her. I needed that reassurance! So, I realize that of course the lack of quality sex was the straw that broke the camels back, but its a two way street and I had to have gotten to this point somehow. I remember her asking me 'How come we never have any money to do anything anymore?'. Those are the kinds of comments that killed me! i told her that I hate to feel like I was not providing for her as well as I should, and that it hurts a mans ego to feel like a failure. i don't know who started making the other feel not so good, but I now realize where we both went wrong. had she been willing to say hey lets go to counselling before I leave you, we would most likely have uncovered this. Instead, i have been wracking my brain trying to figure out how I got to the point where sex was not so important. I was always a horn dog lol

What complicates things is that she gained a lot of weight during and after her pregnancy (probaly 70 lbs) and still has not been able to lose it. I told her before i didn't really care and that she had given us a wonderful baby girl, and that is what is important. But I think she needed constant reassurance that she still looked good and I didnt provide that. When I asked her what this OM has that I don't, she said he calls me gorgeous everyday and in every message he sends me he tells me how gorgeous I am. Sheesh. So, my lack of sex drive, her sky rocketing sex drive, her weight gain, and me not reassuring her she is still sexy, and her not assuring me that I was still a good husband even though we were in a bind right now. That is what got us to this mess.

So, I need to come up with some goals. i really need help with this part. It seems most people struggle with this! I know I want to start working out because like said in my very first post, she liked my big arms that I had years ago. I need to get in shape! I have already lost 20 lbs since the bomb just because of the stress so I need to expand on that.

Any ideas?