H's MLC started when BF murdered

[GatorGirl]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and the support. That is why I am here.

I have separated myself finanacially from him and thankfully we both knew that was a necessity at the beginning of our separation. I always had guilt about being a working mom and now know that it was the best decision I ever could have made. He is paying child support to me faithfully, so for now things are fine. I don't know if/how that will change as he goes through the stages of MLC. I have seen one divorce atty that I didn't like very much and will see another one next month simply to have someone there to protect my interests should I need it. I plan on including language in the divorce (if we get to that point) to ensure that even if he takes a job that pays him less than he makes now or if he ever has more children, he still owes me his current level of support. I will take him to the cleaners if I have to in order to protect my children and my own interests. This is “his” divorce, not mine and he can pay for the whole d@mn thing as far as I’m concerned. I am so fortunate that I earn a good living and will be able to keep our house so the kids have stability.

It took me a whopping four days after he dropped the Bomb to figure out that this was a MLC. I had an epiphany in my suffocating grief while at work and Googled it. I clicked on the first link that came up from About.com and about fell out of my chair. It described him and his behavior to a tee. I confess, none of my friends really understand. None of our very close friends are divorced and they certainly have never seen anything like this. That’s another part of why I’m here. Whether we work it out or not is something I can’t worry about at this point. I detached to the best of my ability the moment I figured out it was a MLC. I didn’t even cry the next day when he packed a bag and said goodbye to stay the first night away from our home (not for travel, clearly) in nearly twelve years. I’m not worried about him and the Niece because it doesn’t matter how I feel about it. I DO think that it is very possible that he will leave town in a few years and marry her simply because I’ve always felt that he desperately wanted to be a part of that family for “real”. If he married her, his position would be cemented in place. His BF’s sister would be his MIL. He has already sort of taken his BF’s “place” so to speak in family dynamics from what I can tell. After the BF died, he called his BF’s mom every other day to speak to her (more than his own mother with whom he is very close) and provide support. He’s so wrapped up in that new life that this one will soon pale in comparison because he will still be unhappy. He has yet to discover that it’s nothing on the outside-the source of his unhappiness is inside. The BF’s family is where he learned to drink like crazy, as they are all pretty much alcoholics and don’t see any issues with it. For them its a cultural norm. I drink much less now that he’s gone, not surprisingly.

It helps so much to have people around that “get it” and have walked a mile or more in similar shoes. I have detached from FaceBook and other social media to spend more time with my kids and focus on myself but need an outlet of some kind; the anonymity here is good for now. This isn’t exactly the kind of stuff I want to plaster all over FB.

I’m an extremely strong, intelligent woman with emotional fortitude that won’t quit. I have accepted my fate for now but still pray that somehow, someway God will intervene and help us work it out. I know that God has a plan for my life. I’ve been through awful tragedy before and this just reaffirms my faith. Like so many of us here, patience is the virtue I struggle with most and this will certainly test my patience like it has never been tested before. I’m in for the long haul, so I’ll settle in and hang out for a while.

Again, thank you everyone for your welcome and support.