I am spinning in my own head, so in order to get back to work, I hope no one minds if I journal a bit.

And if anyone has any suggestions, I sure would appreciate them.

I spoke to x-partner last night. He had texted earlier in the day and specifically asked if I would be home so that he could call. As I had ignored his last few requests/VMs, I agreed.

The first thing he said when I answered the phone, with such obvious relief, was "Thank goodness you're home." I asked where did that come from, but he did not answer.

The conversation lasted about 40 minutes. Nothing overly personal, nothing about the OW and when he asked me what I had been up to, I brushed it off as very busy and then directed another question his way. In all, I managed to follow all of the Rules. I even managed not to offer any advice which is very, very new for me. I just listened.

One thing that I wish I was better at is validating. I am getting the hang of listening, but validating is still difficult for me. Sometimes it is because I miss an opportunity - for example, he has made it his mission (to the point of obsession these days) to get his finances in better order which is good - and while I do say that he is doing well and that it will take time, I do wish that I could come up with something a little less cliched.

He also told me about a couple of troubles that other couples we knew were having. He said, "Everyone is in turmoil". I was going to comment on that but stopped. I didn't want to wander into an OR talk. But maybe I should have? Was he trying to open up? I know he wants me to ask about OW. I refuse. I may not be able to stop him from talking about her but I will be knackered if I ask what I really do not want to know.

Other than that, the conversation was light and could have been between anyone. I ended it saying I had to hit the trail for my early start.

Now here are my questions:

We've been in this sort of holding pattern now for about two weeks. As far as I know, he is still with OW. There is no talk about the future at all.

Snodderly, I hear your words in my head - let him go. I have been trying to pull back. It is strange that time seems to be flying in the rest of my life but the time between contacts seems like forever, so I am not doing as well with that as I thought when I still see us talking still twice a week. But he is also contacting me frequently which is complicating my strategy.

Is "dim" an option? Does his frequent contact mean baby steps or is it just a step in the distance/pursuit dance?

I think the hardest thing about following advice for me is that I am an analyst by trade and by nature. If I am to get behind a conclusion, I need to know the data used and what other options were considered, rejected and why. Yes, I was that annoying child who always asked WHY.

I feel like this holding pattern is a good one for now and a good one for me through the holidays and I can reevaluate in the new year. But maybe others see things differently?

Trying to detach is still a struggle (not stating the obvious or anything, sheesh) but I am trying. Life is otherwise busy with the thousands of things and this year the holidays are going to be a challenge on several levels. As a couple, we always saved our special times for after Christmas because of the distance. New Year will be harder than Christmas in that respect.

Deep breath and back to work for me. Thanks for listening.