She appear calm because she feels she need look like she knows what she's doing. She has taken the action to end the marriage. Which makes her the leader in her mind. She has to put on a brave face or you wouldn't be worried about her leaving you. But inside, I guarantee there is all sorts of scared and disparate feeling and thoughts.
Goals for the R are pointless right now. Seriously. If she isn't working with you on the Marriage, you can't make goals for it. I'm also serious about the goals I listed above. You are the only thing you can work on.
Sit down and make a list of what you would do if you were the kind of husband you want to be. Those will be your goals.
I know you want to have some clarity and definition. But there isn't any. There is no secret anything that will get your W to turn around and come back. You have to be the one that draws her back. Pay attention to that. You have to be so attractive to her as a husband that she comes back to you. You cannot pursue her.
Time wise, plan on 6 months after you detach before you start to see a change. But you are going to have to work on yourself consistently and diligently. It is hard work. At the end of 6 months, you should assess the overall situation and decide what need to happen from there. (This is my plan, anyway.)
