Your story sounds mighty familiar - this same scenario happened a LOT in the wake of September 11. Grief-stricken firefighters comforting the widows and families of their fallen comrades, ending up bonding in their grief and having affairs.
The fact that the niece has just left her husband? Mighty suspicious.
Now - maybe they were having an affair, and maybe they were just emotionally bonding without acting on it - yet. WHo knows. But I'm willing to bet some variation on this scenario is operating here.
Sounds like a perfect storm for MLC - approaching 40, depressed alcoholic, grief over loss of friend, bonding in that grief with friend's family.....
These are powerful forces at work, forces you don't have control over.
SO what do you do? Focus on YOU. Work on YOUR issues. Fix any of your REAL issues (no, liking Pottery Barn is not why he left, don't worry! In fact, if that's the best excuse he can come up with, you were probably a pretty good wife!)
Go to Alanon meetings - you H definitely sounds like an alcoholic, these meetings can help you through.
Work on getting your financial house in order, so that you will be ok even if H does not return, or even if he spins out of control.
Drop the rope - don't beg, cajole, contact - act the way you would if you KNEW you were the best thing he ever would have and KNEW you were going to move forward to a WAAAAYYY better life without him.
But be kind - I know, it makes you angry as h3ll, but he really isn't in his right mind right now. Trust me - you'd rather be you right now, even with all the pain, than to be him.
